Jokes of the day for Sunday, 15 February 2015

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 15 February 2015
  • Currently 9.50/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (102)

Gone Camping

Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect lake camping and riding trip. 

Two days before the group is to leave Rob's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. 

Rob's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. 

Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Rob sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and supper cooking on the fire. 

"Dang man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?" 

"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who'?" 

I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose pedals all over. She had on the bed, handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said, "now, you can do what ever you want." 

So here I am.

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

April Fool's Day - Here are 5 pranks you can play on people

1. Conference call two people then don’t say anything, just listen.
2. Place a ‘house for sale’ ad in the newspaper for someone’s home.
3. Paint the tips of someone’s pen and pencil with clear nail polish so none of them work.
4. Hide a small radio in the ceiling tiles above someone’s desk and turn it on very softly.
5. Fill someone’s hair-dryer with baby powder.
#joke #aprilfoolsday #prank
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Funny video of the day - Rowing SUPER FAIL

Rowing SUPER FAIL - Sculling - Regatta 2014 - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Taking a Drunk Home

A guy was in a bar about as drunk as it's possible to get.  A group of guys noticed his condition and decide to be good Samaritans and
take him home.

First they stood him up to get to his wallet so they could find out where he lives, but he kept falling down. He fell down eight more times on the way to the car, each time with a real thud.

After they got to his house, he fell down another four times on the way to the door. 

His wife comes to the door, and one guy says, "We brought your husband home."

The wife asks, "Where's his wheelchair?

#joke
Joke | Source: Florida Dude - Welcome To The Beach - new jokes every day
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

Two old men were sitting in th

Two old men were sitting in the park talking. After a while the conversation turned to aging. One said, "When it comes to getting older, women have all the luck."
"What do you mean?" asked his friend.
"Well, I haven't been able to perform in bed for ten years now, but my wife seems to be healthier than ever."
"In what way is she healthier?" asked the friend.
"Up to about ten years ago, she used to get these terrible headaches just before bedtime. But she doesn't get them anymore."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Funny Photo of the day - Sun protection

Sun protection | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Looking for a Lumberjack...

A large, well established, Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good Lumberjack.

The very next day, a skinny little man showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the head lumberjacks' door. The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and told him to leave.

"Just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said the skinny man.

"Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" said the lumberjack. "Take your axe and go cut it down."

The skinny man headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the lumberjack's door.

"I cut the tree down," said the man.

The lumberjack couldn't believe his eyes and said, "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?"

"In the Sahara Forest," replied the puny man.

"You mean the Sahara Desert," said the lumberjack.

The little man laughed and answered back, "Sure, that's what they call it NOW!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

 Signs And Notices 08


These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.
Sign at a hotel. "Help! We need inn-experienced people."
Sign in a science teacher's room: "If it moves, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics."
Sign in butchers window: "Pleased to meat you."
Sign on auto body shop: "May we have the next dents?"
Sign at the dry cleaner's window: "Drop your pants here."
Sign on a parking space at a garden nursery: "Reserved for plant manager."
Sign in an Acapulco Hotel: "The manager has personally passed all the water served here."
Sign in a Norwegian lounge: "Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar."
Sign on a door to a psychiatric ward: "Please do not disturb further."

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Chess Knight Move

Find the country and its capital city, using the move of a chess knight. First letter is S. Length of words in solution: 11,4.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Those with fractures are ro

Those with fractures are a risk to cracks.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

A young man studying in a coll

A young man studying in a college abroad sent this SMS to his father: Dear dad, no mon, no fun, your son.
The father replied: Dear son, too bad, so sad, your dad.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Two old women were sitting on

Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buseswere running late, and a lot of time passed. Finally, one woman turned tothe other and said, "You know, I've been sitting here so long, my buttfell asleep!'.
The other woman turned to her and said "I know! I heard it snoring!"
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Why did the Blonde c

Why did the Blonde cross the road? Who cares, what the hell is she doing out of the kitchen!

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Three Blondes

Q: Why did three blondes jump off a building?
A: They wanted to see if their maxi-pads really had wings.

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

One day Jimmy got home early f

One day Jimmy got home early from school and his mom asked, "Why are you home so early?" He answered, "Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class." She said, "Wow, my son is a genius. What was the question?" Jimmy replied, "The question was 'Who threw the trash can at the principal's head?'"
#joke
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

“A hurricane is a sti

“A hurricane is a stick used to encourage speed.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

The Island of Trid

Once upon a time, in the middle of the ocean, there was the Island of Trid.
It seems that most of the Island of Trid was covered by a large mountain. On this mountain lived a Giant. The Giant did not allow Trids on his mountain. If a Trid dared to climb onto the mountain, the Giant would kick him into the ocean. Trids are notoriously bad swimmers, and frequently drowned when kicked into the ocean.
The Trids were a very sexual people, and the population had grown quite large. Every square inch of the island, except the mountain, was crowded with Trids.
The Trids spent their days crowded together, dreaming of the open space available on the ever visible mountain. Every few days, a Trid would decide he couldn't stand the crowds any more. He would start to climb the mountain, and the Giant would kick the Trid into the ocean.The Trids were a very depressed people.
One day a traveling Rabbi visited the Island of Trid. Despite their overcrowded conditions, the Trids were extremely generous to this man of God.
The Rabbi decided to return the favor, and to go plead the Trid's case to the Giant. "Surely the Giant can be convinced to share some of the mountain with you," the Rabbi explained.
The Trids were horrified. "Please don't go, Rabbi", the Trids implored. "The Giant will kick you into the ocean, and you will surely drown."
The Rabbi was stubborn, and insisted that he talk to the Giant. The Trids sent out every boat they had. They formed a ring around the island, so that they would be able to rescue the Rabbi.
The Rabbi started walking towards the mountain. No sign of the Giant.
He walked through the foothills, and there was no sign of the Giant.
He started up the slopes of the mountain, further than any Trid had ever been. Still no sign of the Giant.
Finally he reached the summit of the mountain. There the Giant was waiting for him. The Rabbi asked "Tell me Giant, why have you allowed me to climb to the top of the mountain, without kicking me off the moment I started climbing?"
And the Giant replied, "Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

A guy goes into a drugstore to...

A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms.

"What size?" asks the clerk.

"Gee, I don't know."

"Go see Sophie in aisle 4."

He goes over to see Sophie, who grabs him in the crotch, and yells, "Medium!"

The guy is mortified! He hurries over to pay and leaves quickly.

Another guy comes in to buy condoms, and gets sent to Sophie in aisle 4. Sophie grabs him and yells,
"Large!"

The guy struts over to the register, pays, and leaves.

A high school kid comes in to buy condoms.
"What size?"

The kid embarrassedly says, "I've never done this before. I don't know what size."

The clerk sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4.
She grabs him and yells,

"Clean up in aisle 4!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 15 February 2011
  • Currently 7.29/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (31)

A stage....

During a performance for the high school talent show at the local theater, a hole was cracked in the stage floor. Subsequent acts managed to avoid the damaged area until little Freddy, juggling bowling pins, accidentally stepped through the hole up to his knee.

He apologized to the audience for his clumsiness. But a heckler in the back of the theater shouted:

"Don't worry, Freddy! It's just a stage you're going through!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 15 February 2009
  • Currently 4.57/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (28)

There was once a man who lived...

There was once a man who lived in a poor country. He went to law school and became a very intelligent person. Years later, he decided to go back to his country to show them how worthy he is. He started his own office. The next day, he saw a man walking into his office. He picked up the phone and gestered the man to come in and pretended he was talking to very famous people and cancelling meetings with presidents, etc. After he put down the phone several minutes later, he apologized to the man and said, "Sorry to keep you waiting. As you can see, I'm a very busy man. What can I do for you?" The man smiled and said, "I'm from the telephone company. I'm here to hook up you phone."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 15 February 2009
  • Currently 5.54/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (26)

Greatest Comedian in the Bible

Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 15 February 2012
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (25)

Belly Buttons Explained

Q: How do babies get their belly buttons?
A: When God finishes making little babies, He lines them all up in a row. Then he walks along in front of them. He pokes each one in the tummy with His finger and says, “You’re done…you’re done…you’re done…”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 15 February 2009
  • Currently 5.56/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (9)

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