DR. PHIL: The problem we have

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won'trealize that he must first deal with his problems on "THIS" side of theroad before it goes after his problems on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road.What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by nottaking on his "CURRENT" problems before adding "NEW" problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems,which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of havingthe chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part oflife, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just driveacross the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearlysee the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road ..
ANDERSON COOPER - CNN: We have reason to believe there is achicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side ofthe road.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road,I am now against it. It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misledabout the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remainagainst it. Probably.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY!You can see it in his eyes, and in the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworkingAmerican.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me what directionthat chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market tosell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gaveme any insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken - cross the road? Did he cross it -with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road - but why it crossed -I've not been told!
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.
JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken is gay! Can't you peoplesee the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going tothe "other side." That's why they call it, the "other side." Yes, myfriends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you willbecome gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out thisabomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmlessphrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be crossing theroad. It's as plain and as simple as that.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed theroad. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that wasgood enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: In a few moments, we will be listening forthe first time,that same chicken tell us, in its own words, theheart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting,and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens .... It's easy, if youtry ..... Crossing roads, together .... Hoping not to die .....Imagine all, the chickens .... Crossing, roads, in peace ....
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2000, MillenniumEdition, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file yourimportant documents, and balance your check book. Internet Exploreris a integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much more stableand will never cras ... #@&&^(!
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or didthe road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. Whatis your definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken!
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
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Joke of the day - DR. PHIL: The problem we have

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