The best 2018 Oscars jokes

“Put the kettle on. I’m bringing Oscar home”
Gary Oldman paid tribute to his 98-year-old mother in his acceptance speech for best actor, telling her: “Thank you for your love and your support. Put the kettle on. I’m bringing Oscar home.”

Lupita Nyong’o and Kumail Nanjiani, were joking about being actors with unpronouncable names. Nanjiani explained that his real name was Chris Pine. “You can imagine how annoyed I was when the white Chris Pine showed up,” he said.

Let's not have THAT again this year
"This year when you hear your name called, don't get up right away. Give us a minute, we don't want another thing. What happened last year was unfortunate.""

"The Shape of Water"
"We will remember this year as the year men screwed up so badly, women started dating fish."

Get a clue Hollywood

Not all about the money "In fact, of the nine best picture nominees only two made more than $100 million. But that's not the point. We don't make films like 'Call Me By Your Name' for money. We make them to upset Mike Pence."