How to ...

How to get noticed at your new work place:

Ask people what sex they are when you meet them for the first time.

Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

Put your waste bin on your desk and label it "IN".

Email the rest of the company with hourly updates. eg. "I'll be in the toilet for 5 minutes."

Skip everywhere, never walk.

Always address people by the wrong names.

Put mosquito netting around your work area.

Spend lunch in the car park pointing a hair dryer at passing cars.

Never use punctuation.

Tell your new boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, it's the voices in your head that do".



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