Jokes of the day for Monday, 22 March 2010

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 22 March 2010
  • Currently 9.54/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (69)

Which of the following games w...

Which of the following games will result in pregnancy?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.83/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (6)

A prisoner in jail receives a ...

A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?" The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: "Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money." A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden." The prisoner wrote another letter back: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.79/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (29)

Funny video of the day - Funny video of the day Monday, 22 March 2010

Funny video of the day Monday, 22 March 2010 - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 3.56/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (9)

Knock Knock
Who's there? <...

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Madam
Madam who?
MADAM FOOTS STUCK IN THE DOOR!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The day - Used to be - Australian Joke of the day - site changed purpose and no longer serves jokes
  • Currently 6.11/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (9)

A blind man was standing on th...

A blind man was standing on the corner with his dog when the dog raised his leg and wet on the man's trouser leg.

The man reached in his pocket and took out a doggie biscuit, which he fed to the dog.

A busy body who had been watching ran up to him and said, "You shouldn't do that. He'll never learn anything if you reward him when he does something like that!".

The blind man retorted, "I'm not rewarding him. I'm just trying to find which end is his mouth so that I can kick him in the ass".
#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 5.83/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (6)

Funny Photo of the day - SNEAKY SNEAKY

SNEAKY SNEAKY | Source : Very Demotivational - Posters That Demotivate Us
  • Currently 3.64/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (14)

Court case

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:

"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."

"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."

The defendant smiled.

With his lawyer's assistance, he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 4.75/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (8)

Top 10 Reasons You Smoke Too Much

10. In the middle of smoking a cigarette, you pause for a "cigarette break"
9. Your birthday is a state holiday in North Carolina
8. Your title for the Surgeon General: "Captain Bring-down"
7. Cracking your knuckles leaves you winded
6. Morning schedule: Wake up, cough for three hours, take nap
5. In your neighborhood, they give directions by saying, "Go down to the big pile of cigarette butts..."
4. You get mattress fires more often than haircuts
3. You smoke during sex.
2. You refer to nonsmokers as "pink-lunged sissy boys"
1. You explain to the nurse that you didn't realize you were in a "nonsmoking" iron lung
#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.08/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (13)

Find number abc

If 6c533 - b33a0 = 44153 find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Blonde quickies 10

Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common ?

A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.

Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?

A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.

Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?

A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do blonds and spagetthii have in common?

A: They both wriggle when you eat them.

Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?

A: They both have black roots.

Q: Why did the deaf blond sit on a newspaper?

A: So she could lip read.

Q: How do you drown a blond?

A: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.

Q: How do you drown a blonde?

A: Don't tell her to swallow.

Q: Why did the blonde drown in the pool ?

A: Someone left a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

Q: Why do blonds have square boobs?

A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

#joke #blonde #beer
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.17/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (6)

Mike Birbiglia: Sex and Pizza

Sex and pizza, they say, are similar. When its good, its good. When its bad, you get it on your shirt.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.47/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (32)

A young blonde was on vacation...

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her.
She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 26 December 2009
  • Currently 6.36/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (58)

The Jewish Boy and the Muslim Boy

David, a Jewish boy, and Ali, a Muslim boy, are having a conversation.
Ali: I'm getting operated on tomorrow.
David: Oh? What are they going to do?
Ali: Circumcise me!
David: I had that done when I was just a few days old.
Ali: Did it hurt?
David: I couldn't walk for a year!

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 17 February 2009
  • Currently 5.78/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (23)

A small boy is sent to bed by ...

A small boy is sent to bed by his father.five minutes later:"Da..aaad"
"What"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
five minutes later: "Daa....aaad..."
"WHAT!?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water?"
I told you NO! Ifyou ask again I'll have to spank you!"
five minutes later.."Daaaa....aaaad!"
"When you come up to spank me can you bring a drink of water?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 22 March 2009
  • Currently 5.17/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (23)

Sunday prayer...

Have you heard about 4-year-old Sammy who was asked to return thanks before Sunday dinner? The family members bowed their heads in expectation, and he began his prayer:

"Thank you God for all my friends: Joey, an' Susan, an' Billy, an' Tommy," and on and on he went, naming each friend one by one.

Next he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles.

Finally he got to the food.

"Thank you God for the turkey, an' the dressing, an' the fruit salad, an' the pies, an' the Cool Whip..."

And then he paused.

The pause was almost deafening, and all eyes were focused on young Sammy with his head still bowed in prayer.

Finally (almost when Father was about to interject an "Amen"), Sammy looked up at his mother and asked, "If I thank God for the broccoli, won't he know that I'm lying?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 22 March 2009
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (10)

Niece: Uncle, your landlady to...

Niece: Uncle, your landlady told me that you weren't fit to live with pigs! Uncle: What did you say? Niece: Oh, I took your side -- I said you were!
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 22 March 2009
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (8)

Revenge is Sweet

There once was an old couple who had been married for thirty years.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 22 March 2009
  • Currently 6.75/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (4)

Gay bar

Four things not to say in a gay bar.

1 Bugger me it's hot in here!

2 Can I push your stool in?

3 Toss you for the next round!

4 Can I bum a fag?

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 22 March 2009
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (4)

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