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Jokes of the day for Friday, 01 February 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 01 February 2013
  • Currently 9.47/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (83)

Blonde Sky Divers

A blonde and a brunette are skydiving.

The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord -- nothing happens.

She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing.

The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"

#joke #short #blonde
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (14)

Funny jokes-Tiresome

A Russian laborer was given a task to paint a white line right through the middle of the road. On the very first day he managed to paint three kilometers of the road. His employer was happy with him. The next day he could paint only three hundred meters. The boss thought the man was probably tired from the first day's hard work and let it go. The third day he painted only thirty meters. Now the boss was anxious and demanded an explanation.

The Russian said: “It's no mystery, boss. It's getting quite tiresome to walk all the way back to the paint bucket.”
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

Funny video of the day - Rooftop Snow Falls In Spectacular Fashion

Rooftop Snow Falls In Spectacular Fashion - Snow falling from a building rooftop in Shenyang, China, creates a cool ‘waterfall’ effect. - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (3)

A mother was preparing pancake...

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.'"
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"
#joke
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (6)

Pantyhose

How many animals can you fit in a pair of pantyhose?
10 little piggies
2 calves
1 ass
1 beaver
A bunch of hares and
1 fish that no one can find.

#joke
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.25/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (4)

Funny Photo of the day - Walking office

Walking office - No time to waste, facebook cant't wait! | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 6.33/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (3)

Crayons

The kindergarten class had settled down to its coloring books. Willie came up to the teacher's desk and said, "Miss Francis, I ain't go no crayons."

"Willie," Miss Francis said, "you mean, "I don't have any crayons.' You don't have any crayons. We don't have any crayons. They don't have any crayons. Do you see what I'm getting at?"

"Not really," Willie said, "What happened to all them crayons?"

#joke
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

That Darn Cat

A man who absolutely hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.
As he was nearing home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day, he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away and try the same thing.
As we was driving back into his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat farther and farther away, but the darn cat would always beat him home.
At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and he left the cat there.
Hours later, the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"
"Yes," the wife answers. "Why do you ask?"

Odd-eyed cat

Frustrated, the man answers: "Put that damn cat on the phone. I'm lost and I need directions!"

#joke
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (4)

FLEX WORDLE

FLEX WORDLE Guess the WORDLE in 3 tries. After each guess, the color of the tiles will change to show how close your guess was to the solution.
Source: Genius Brain Teasers - Jokes Of The Day Partner

An HMO Manager Goes to Heaven. . .

The second doctor said, "I was a psychiatrist. I helped people rehabilitate themselves." St. Peter also invited him in.
The third applicant stepped forward and said, "I was an HMO manager. I helped people get cost-effective health care." St. Peter said, "You can come in, too."
But as the HMO manager walked by, St. Peter added, "You can stay three days. After that, you can go to Hell."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 03 October 2011
  • Currently 5.77/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (13)

Chuck Norris let the dogs out....

Chuck Norris let the dogs out.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 15 July 2011
  • Currently 3.22/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (50)

Car Crash

I was recently on vacation in Main when I observed a pretty bad car crash between two police partol cars. The officers were standing around, looking at the damage and they both had a confused look on their faces. I figured that they were trying to figure out what to do because who were they supposed to call, the police?
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 28 May 2009
  • Currently 4.60/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (10)

T.J. Miller: Holding a Baby

This woman wouldnt let me hold her baby the other day because she said I was too drunk. First of all, dont bring your baby into the bar. And second of all, if Im drinking malt liquor on a playground, I call that a bar.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 01 February 2012
  • Currently 3.08/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (49)

Eliot Chang: Politically Correct Friend

He actually said this to me; hes like, Hey man, you got to be careful. Theres a lot of women that have an Asian fetish. Well, what do you mean? Theyll have sex with you just cause youre Asian. Arent you offended? Uh, Ill be offended after my orgasm.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 01 February 2011
  • Currently 3.39/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (36)

One Line Zingers


  • If Cain and Able were Siamese twins, would they be Cable?

  • Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.

  • The best vitamin for a Christian is B1.

  • "I've taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me, send money.”

  • Warning notice at a seminary swimming pool: “First-year students are only allowed to walk on the shallow end.”

  • "If absence makes the heart grow fonder,” said a minister, “a lot of folks must love our church.”

  • This joke was reprinted from "Laugh Yourself Healthy" by Charles and Frances Hunter, with permission of Strang Communications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 01 February 2009
  • Currently 4.37/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (35)

Who Should Make the Coffee?

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, "You are in charge of the cooking around here so you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides it says in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that! Show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says, "HEBREWS."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 01 February 2010
  • Currently 5.59/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (34)

A Collection Of Insults


You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning.
I would ask you how old you are, but I know you can't count that high.
In the next life, you'll blaze a way for us.
You are master in your own house -- the doghouse!
When you die, I'd like to go to your funeral, but I'll probably have to go to work that day. I believe in business before pleasure.
You make me believe in reincarnation. Nobody can be as stupid as you in one lifetime.
Believe me, I don't want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit?
I hear you are very kind to animals, so please give that face back to the gorilla.
Keep talking. I always yawn when I'm interested.
Some day you will find yourself -- and wish that you hadn't.
People clap when they see you -- their hands over their eyes or ears.
Whatever is eating you -- must be suffering horribly.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 01 February 2011
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (15)

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