Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 30 July 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 30 July 2013
  • Currently 9.50/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (58)

Free your mind

Adam, a Jewish rabbi was good friends with Daniel, a Catholic priest. They spent many a afternoon in the park, watching the ducks play in the pond. On one such outing, Daniel was eating a ham sandwich.
"You know," he said to his Jewish friend, "there's nothing as tasty as a ham sandwich. I know you're not allowed to eat ham, but why are you denying yourself this delicious treat. When will you free your mind and try it?"
Adam, the rabbi simply replied, "At your engagement."
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (4)

“After 5 years with t...

“After 5 years with the same chiropractor, I moved and had to change doctors. It was quite an adjustment.”

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (6)

Funny video of the day - No matches? No problem, we have BMW!

No matches? No problem, we have BMW! - Elegant, yet cheap solution - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (5)

Letter to a Nosey Mom

A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter over the bed. With the worst premonition, she reads it, with trembling hands:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I eloped with my new boyfriend. I found real passion and he is so nice, with all his piercing and tattoos and his big motorcycle. But is not only that mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods. He wants to have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams. I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and for his friends, who are providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasy we may want. In the meantime, we'll pray for the science to find the AIDS cure, for Ahmed to get better, he deserves it. Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Some day I'll visit, so you can know your grandchildren.
Your daughter,
Judith

modern letter received!

PS: Mom, it's not true. I'm at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than the school's report card that's in my desk's drawer...I love you!

#joke
Joke | Source: Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

A man calls home to his wife a...

A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box. We're leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh! And please pack my new blue silk pajamas."

The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy but being a good wife she does exactly what her husband asked. The following weekend he comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good.

The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish. He says, "Yes! Lots of Walleye, some Blue gill, and a few Pike. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?"

The wife replies; "I did, they were in your tackle box."
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Funny Photo of the day - How many times have you wondered why your baggage got lost?

How many times have you wondered why your baggage got lost? - Now you got the answer | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 6.25/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (4)

Autoblonde

Q: What do a blonde and a car have in common?

A: They can both drive you crazy.

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 2.88/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (8)

The Christmas gift...

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.

A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles."

"She did," he replied. "But where in the world was I gonna find a fake Jeep?"

#joke #short #christmas
Joke | Source: http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (3)

MAGIC SQUARE: Calculate A-B-C

The aim is to place the some numbers from the list (6, 14, 18, 23, 24, 28, 33, 61, 65, 70, 79) into the empty squares and squares marked with A, B an C. Sum of each row and column should be equal. All the numbers of the magic square must be different. Find values for A, B, and C. Solution is A-B-C.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

When I was Young

When I was young I used to pray for a bicycle.

Then I realized that God doesn't work that way.

So I stole a bicycle and prayed for forgiveness.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

When I Was Your Age ...

The minister was passing a group of young teens sitting on the church lawn and stopped to ask what they were doing.
"Nothing much, Pastor," replied one boy. "We were just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about their sex life." "Boys, boys, boys!" he scolded. "I'm shocked. When I was your age, I never even thought about sex."
In unison they all replied, "You win!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 30 July 2012
  • Currently 3.64/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (11)

Chuck Norris once tried to def...

Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Garry Kasparov in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Kasparov in the side of the face.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 02 January 2012
  • Currently 4.40/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (10)

Simplified Income Taxes


REVENUE CANADA *T1-SIMPLIFIED TAX FORM
New Simplified Tax Form for 2000 Taxes
1. How much money did you make in 2000?
2. Send it to us.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 10 February 2009
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (6)

Banging pussy

There were two prostitutes , one was very beautiful and the other was ugly. The beautiful prostitute used to make around $1,000-$3,000 a month but the ugly one made around $10,000-$13,000.

Confused to why the fuck the ugly one made more money than her, the beautiful prostitute went to the ugly one and asked her.

" Hey girl ! How are you? Looks like you're doing great ,you bought a new car and an apartment, where did you get the money ?".

On this the ugly bitch replied. " Actually I play games with my customer and so I earn a lot, maybe more than you . What I do with my customer is that when we have intercourse I put a small firecracker in my pussy and when it blows up , I start shouting oh you blew up my pussy you bastard, scared that this may put them in trouble my customers end up paying me $500-$800 to get away".

Hearing this, the beautiful blonde prostitute went to the shop

to buy some firecrackers, but as the less power crackers were not available that day she bought a huge powerful firecracker and went to work.

While having intercourse she put the big bomb in her pussy and it went off with a huge bang. Then the prostitute started shouting as planned " You blew up my pussy ...You blew up my pussy".

On this the customer replied ," You bitch, the hell with your pussy, where the fuck is my DICK ".

Submitted by Admin

Edited by Curtis

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 30 July 2011
  • Currently 3.23/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (39)

Send the Wine Back

A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant, and while sitting at his

regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby all alone.

He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of

Merlot to be sent over to her, knowing that if she accepts it, she is his for the night.

The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying

it is from the gentleman at a nearby table. She looks at the the man,

then at the wine and decides to send a note over to the man.

The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."

The man, after reading this note, sends another note to her. It read:

"Just so you will know, I happen to have a Ferrari Testarosa, a BMW 850iL, and a Mercedes 560SEL in my garage, plus I have over twenty-million dollars in the bank. But, not even for a woman beautiful as you, would I cut three inches off my dick. Just send the wine back."

Submitted by Verlaine

Editted by Curtis

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 30 July 2010
  • Currently 5.77/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (31)

The doct...

The doctor entered the room and advised his patient that a brain transplant was the only remedy.

"Fortunately" he continued, "this hospital has perfected the procedure,
however, it is not yet available on the National Health and you will
therefore have to pay.

We have two brains in stock at the moment, a female brain costing £30,000 and a male brain at £100,000"

"Why is the male brain so expensive?" asked the patient.

"Oh, that's easy, male brains are hardly used."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 30 July 2008
  • Currently 5.03/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (30)

Robert Schmidt 05


Droughts are because God didn't pay his water bill.
Is "tired old cliche" one?
if you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
The sign said "eight items or less". So I changed my name to Les.
Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "what for?"
Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why. It told me it was none of my business.
In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence.
I Xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare.
I Xeroxed my watch. Now I can give away free watches.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 30 July 2011
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (24)

Two strands of DNA were walkin...

Two strands of DNA were walking down the street. One says to the other, "Do these genes make me look fat?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 30 July 2010
  • Currently 5.46/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (13)

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