Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 14 September 2016

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 14 September 2016
  • Currently 9.55/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (1680)

Adam was walking around the Ga

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked him, "What is wrong with you?"
Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.
God said he was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman.
He said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes; she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give you love and compassion whenever needed."
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"
God said, "An arm and a leg."
Adam asked, "What can I get for just a rib?"
The rest is history.
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

A married friend told me, he i...

A married friend told me, he is working on Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics under constrained environment....
I was impressed...
On further probing, I learnt that he is washing dishes with hot water ...
Under his wife's supervision...!!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.83/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (12)

Now that they allow...

“Now that they allow us to wear jeans at the office everyday, I am no longer a slacker.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

You're doing just fine w...

You're doing just fine without an Irish accent. If it ain't brogue don't fix it.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

Funny Photo of the day - Would You Wear These 'Come and Go' Shoes?

Would You Wear These 'Come and Go' Shoes? - Do you like Shayne Oliver fashion? | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 9.38/10

Rating: 9.4/10 (8)

Rhythm of the church bells...

The beautiful eighteen-year-old girl sobbed hysterically at the funeral service of her seventy-five-year-old husband. She confided in a friend, "We had such a happy marriage for the three months it lasted. Every Sunday morning he would make love to me, keeping time with the rhythm of the church bells."

She sobbed again, then added, "If that fire engine hadn't clanged by, he'd be alive today."

#joke
  • Currently 6.80/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (10)

Animated GIF - Sometimes you just can't catch a break.

Sometimes you just can't catch a break. - Sometimes you just can't catch a break. - link to page gif is posted initially.
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

 The Plane Is Crashing Into The Ocean


Flight fifty has a pretty rough time above the ocean. Suddenly a voice comes over the intercom: "Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts and assume crash positions. We have lost our engines and we are trying to put this baby as gentle as possible down on the water".
"Oh stewardess! Are there any sharks in the ocean below?" asks a little old lady, terrified.
"Yes, I'm afraid there are some. But not to worry, we have a special gel in the bottle next to your chair designed especially for emergencies like this. Just rub the gel onto your arms and legs".
"And if I do this, the sharks won't eat me any more?" asks the little lady.
"Oh, they will eat you all right, only they won't enjoy it so much".

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Calculate the number 866

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 866 using numbers [3, 5, 6, 3, 90, 602] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

A farmer has three sons. One d...

A farmer has three sons. One day, his oldest boy comes to him and pleads with him that he is graduating from school and would really like to get a car. His father says, "Son, come with me." He takes him to the barn and points to the farm tractor and says, "That tractor is needed here on the farm and I promise that as soon as it's paid for, we'll get you a car." The boy was not too happy but he did understand that situation and said, "Okay, Dad."A week later, his second son (10 years old) approaches him wanting a new two-wheel bicycle. Well, he gets the same excuse ... "as soon as that tractor is paid for..."
Shortly, a few days later, son no. 3, his youngest, comes bugging him for a tricycle. Again, 'ol Dad gives him the lecture about the tractor being paid for first.
While leaving the barn, the young boy, more than a little disgusted with the whole thing, sees a rooster mating with one of the hens and promptly goes over and kicks the rooster off the hens back,mumbling to himself the whole time.
His dad says, "Son, why on earth would you do something like that? He didn't do anything to you to deserve that!"
The little boy looks Dad right square in the eye and says,"Hey, nobody rides anything around here until that damn tractor is paid for.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 29 November 2015
  • Currently 9.00/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (5)

Chuck Norris once pulled out a...

Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 14 September 2011
  • Currently 2.73/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (40)

Shhhh!

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 14 September 2010
  • Currently 6.10/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (29)

Modern Science

Researchers say they've discovered a tree extract that could

help to prevent herpes...

.. Must be a rubber tree...

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 14 September 2011
  • Currently 4.86/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (29)

John Mulaney: Benchwarmer Humiliation

I played basketball for five years, and I was a benchwarmer all five years. If you were never a benchwarmer, I cannot express to you the humiliation of, every Saturday morning, putting on a pair of breakaway pants and never having a reason to break them away -- then theyre just pants.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 14 September 2011
  • Currently 3.11/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (28)

Church members...

Three couples went in to see the minister about becoming new members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.

The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle aged and the third couple was newly married.

Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister.

The retired couple said it was no problem at all.

The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that it was no problem.

The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.

"Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister.

"Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over."

The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.

"That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 14 September 2009
  • Currently 7.57/10

Rating: 7.6/10 (14)

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