Jokes of the day for Monday, 06 June 2022
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 06 June 2022 |
During Prohibition did mice vi
During Prohibition did mice visit squeakeasies?Cargo Space
Dad is down at the auto dealership, looking at potential choices.
“Cargo space?” he asks.
The salesman, slightly confused, finally replies, “Car no do that... car go road.”
An Easterner was riding with a
An Easterner was riding with a rancher over a blistering and almost barren stretch of West Texas, when a strange bird scurried in front of them.Asked by the Easterner what the bird was, the rancher replied, "That's a bird of paradise."
The stranger from the East rode on in silence for a moment, then said, "Long way from home, isn't it?"
Things we would never know without going to the movies...
During all police investigations it will benecessary to visit a strip club at least once.
All telephone numbers in America begin with
the digits 555.
Most dogs are immortal.
If being chased through town, you can usually
take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day
parade - at any time of the year.
All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets
which reach up to the armpit level on a woman
but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one
stick of French Bread.
It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing
there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even
while scuba diving
The ventilation system of any building is the
perfect hiding place. No-one will ever think of
looking for you in there and you can travel to
any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
If you need to reload your gun, you will always
have more ammunition -even if you haven't
been carrying any before now.
You're very likely to survive any battle in any
war unless you make the mistake of showing
someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a
German officer, it will not be necessary to
speak the language. Even a bad German accent will do.
If your town is threatened by an imminent
natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first
concern will be the tourist trade or his
forthcoming art exhibition.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any
window in Paris.
A man will show no pain while taking the most
ferocious beating but will wince when a woman
tries to clean his wounds.
If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will
be thrown through it before long.
When paying for a taxi, don't look at your
wallet as you take out a bill just grab one at
random and hand it over. It will always be the
exact fare.
Interbreeding is genetically possible with any
creature from elsewhere in the universe.
Kitchens don't have light switches. When
entering a kitchen at night, you should open the
fridge door and use that light instead.
If staying in a haunted house, women should
investigate any strange noises in their most
revealing underwear.
Word processors never display a cursor on
screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.
Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and
waffles for their family every morning even
though their husband and children never have
time to eat it.
Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
The Chief of Police will always suspend his star
detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the job.
A single match will be sufficient to light up a
room the size of RFK Stadium.
Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
Although in the 20th century it is possible to
fire weapons at an object out of our visual
range, people of the 23rd century will have lost
this technology.
Any person waking from a nightmare will sit
bolt upright and pant.
It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye
when beginning or ending phone conversations.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight
road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel
vigorously from left to right every few moments.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing
devices with large red readouts so you know
exactly when they're going to go off.
It is always possible to park directly outside
any building you are visiting.
A detective can only solve a case once he has
been suspended from duty.
If you decide to start dancing in the street,
everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to
override the communication systems of any
invading alien civilization (especially a
Macintosh snicker, snicker!!)).
It d
big stuff
there was a girl who had the most sexy dick and tits there was a guy who had the most sexy dick and they got married naked showing there big stuff and there babys had big stuff 2
Big People Words
A group of kindergartners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk.
"You need to use 'big people' words," she'd always remind them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend. "I went to visit my Nana."
"No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use big people words!" She then asked Mitchell what he had done. "I took a ride on a choo-choo."
She said, "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. Use big people words." She then asked Bobby what he had done. "I read a book," he replied.
"That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?" Bobby thought about it, then puffed out his little chest with great pride and said, "Winnie the Shit."
Chuck Norris is what Willis wa...
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about.Deserted island
Harry was shipwrecked on a deserted island. For several months, he longed for someone to talk to; searched the horizons for even the suggestion of a ship.
One day, his committment was rewarded: A beautiful woman was washed up onto the beach, floating on a large steamer trunk. Harry got her all settled, and fed, and dried off and they started talking.
April asked Harry, "what is something you've REALLY missed being out here on a desserted island for so long?"
"A clean shirt," was Harry's response. With a huff, April reached into the steamer trunk and tossed Harry a shirt.
April let out a short huff, but persevered: "Surely there's SOMETHING you've really missed out here...all alone...on an island with NOBODY all this time?"
"Oh wow, YEAH, there sure is: I'd REALLY like a dry pillow to sleep on."
April reached into her steamer trunk once again and tossed Harry a pillow; and she would not be put off. Striking her most alluring pose, she asked in her most provocative voice, "C'mon, Harry, wouldn't you like to play around?"
Harry got all excited and started jumping up and down. "Don't tell me you have a set of GOLF CLUBS in there, too?!???!?!"
Five Jewish Men
Five Jewish men influenced the history of Western civilization.
Moses said the law is everything.
Jesus said love is everything.
Marx said capital is everything.
Freud said sex is everything.
Einstein said everything is relative.
A very tall man walks into a b...
A very tall man walks into a bar, and a lady recognizes him as a basketball player. They start to talk, and eventually, go back to his place. They start to kiss, and the man takes off his shirt. On his arm, he has a tattoo that says REEBOK. "What's that?" the lady questions.
"Oh, I have this so that when I'm on TV, people will see my tattoo, and Reebok pays me."
Then the man takes off his pants, and on his leg, he has a tattoo that says NIKE.
"What's that?" the lady questions again.
"Just like the Reebok tattoo, I get paid when this tattoo is seen on TV."
Then the man drops his underwear and on his willy he has a tattoo that says AIDS.
"You didn't tell me you had AIDS!" the lady screams.
"No, no! Calm down," the man replies. "This will say ADIDAS in a minute."
Who is the poorest guy in t...
Q: Who is the poorest guy in the south? A: The Tooth Fairy.
Adopted Turtle
Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.
The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate.
“Dear,” she chirped, “I think it's time to tell him he's adopted.”
Adopted Turtle
Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.
The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate.
“Dear,” she chirped, “I think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted.”
Water and Whiskey
A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
"Now, class, closely observe the worms," said the professor while putting a worm into the water.
The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. He then put the second worm into the whiskey. It curled up and writhed about painfully, then quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
"Now, what lesson can we learn from this experiment?" the professor asked.
Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded confidently, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."
