Jokes of the day for Thursday, 16 June 2022
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 16 June 2022 |
I don't know if I like H
I don't know if I like HD technology – I find it a bit too Bluray.Jewish Country Songs
* Honkey Tonk Nights On The Golden Heigh lo * I Was One Of The Chosen People ‘Til She Chose Somebody Else * Stand By Your Merch * I'm Crying In The Manischewitz * The Shikoas Gonna Hit The Fan! * Four Thousand Years Of Sufferin' And I Had To Go And Marry You * Eighteen Wheels And A Dozen Latkes * You've Been Talkin' Hebrew In Your Sleep Since The Rabbi's Come To Town * You Picked A Fine Time To Leave Me Schiemiel* Yippee Ko Yi Oy! -Who's To Blame
The recent volcano eruptions in Kilauea and Volcan de Fuego prompted representatives all over the globe to have an Earthquake Summit.
When San Adreas arrived everyone point fingers and said, "It's your fault!"
A postcard
"And will there be anything else, sir ?" the bellboy asked after setting out an elaborate dinner for two.
"No thank you." the gentleman replied. "That will be all."
As the young man turned to leave, he noticed a beautiful satin negligee on the bed. "Anything for your wife ?" he asked.
"Yeah ! That's a good idea." the fellow said. "Please bring up a postcard."
Approval of the Family
When my wife and I decided to get married we'd been going out for a few years. We really loved each other and we wanted everything to be perfect... and pretty much everything was, except that one thing had been bothering me. Her sister was a babe and many times I visited, she would flirt with me, bending over in front of me, things I didn't want to acknowledge.
Well a couple of nights before the wedding, she called me over to help her with some boxes. She was moving out of her apartment. When I arrived, I found her alone on the couch wearing decidedly little. I was shocked and she explained to me that she'd always wanted me and that it was her final opportunity, as these were my last few days as a bachelor. Well, I didn't know what to do. She told me she would go upstairs and wait and if I wanted to, I could follow her, but if I didn't, I could just leave.
I waited for a moment and then went outside only to find her dad almost in tears with joy saying he knew now that I was really the right man and that I had his blessing to marry his daughter. This was a test to see just how loyal I was!
Moral of the story: always leave your condoms in the car.
Langauge
Someone mistakenly leaves the cages open in the reptile house at the Bronx Zoo and there are snakes slithering all over the place. Frantically, the keeper tries everything, but he can't get them back in their cages. Finally he says, "Quick, call a lawyer!"
"A lawyer? Why??"
"We need someone who speaks their langauge!"
What a mess!
Have you heard about the elephant with diarrhea?It's all over town!
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
Chuck Norris can delete the Re...
Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.Do Cats Go to Heaven?
A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, "You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask."
The cats says, "Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors."
God says, "Say no more." And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that He made the cat. The mice said, "All our lives we've had to run. Cats, dogs and even women with brooms have chased us. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore."
God says, "Say no more." And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.
About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks, "How are you doing? Are you happy here?"
The cat yawns and stretches and says, "Oh, I've never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending over are the best!"
A Little Cannibalism Humor, Folks
Did you hear the one about the cannibal who passed his brother in the jungle the other day?
I wasn't originally...
“I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.”
Sex Researcher
This sex researcher phones one of the participants in a recent survey of his to check on a discrepancy. He asks the bloke, "In response to the question on frequency of intercourse you answered 'twice weekly'. Your wife, on the other hand, answered 'several times a night'.""That's right," replies the bloke, "And that's how it's going to stay until our second mortgage is paid off."
Mum's operation
Two women were bemoaning the state of the Health Service. One said, "Do you know, my ninety-three-year-old mother has been waiting over a year for her operation?"
"That's appalling," said the other woman. "What a terrible way to treat someone of that age."
"I know," said the first woman. "It got so bad that at one point I even said to her, 'Mum, do you really need bigger b**bs?'"
C/o Roland via 'Tradezone' junk mail in the smoko room.
Hungry Ham Sandwich
A ham sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
