Popular jokes (10801 to 10815)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Acting is tough. Many retired
Acting is tough. Many retired performers have post-dramatic stress.If Bible Characters Had Bumper Stickers
Biblical bumper stickers:
Jonah: Save the Whales
The Israelites: Honk If You Love Moses
Elijah: My Other Chariot Rolls
Goliath: Support the Ban on Slingshots
Lot: If You Can’t See Sodom, You’re Too Close
Methuselah: Be Kind to Senior Citizens
From "Moses' Favorite Travel Jokes," published by Barbour Publishing, Inc., Uhrichsville, Ohio. Copyright 2009. Used by permission of Barbour Publishing, Inc.
Stiff Neck
A five year old boy comes to visit his grandparents and notices his grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocker, wearing only a shirt, naked from the waist down. "Grandpa, whatcha' doing? You're weenie's out and everybody can see!" he exclaimed.
Grandpa looked off in the distance, not answering.
"Grandpa, whatcha' doin' sitting out here with no pants on?" he asked again.
Grandpa looked at him and said, "Son, last week I sat here with no shirt on, Just watching the cars go by.... and I got a stiff neck. This is your Grandma's idea."
Judi walks into the library, l
Judi walks into the library, looks around, then gets in line for the counter.Once she gets to the head of the line, she loudly says, "I'd like a Big Mac, large fries, and a large Coke."
The librarian looks at her for a moment. Then whispers to Judi, "Ma'am, this is the library."
Judi nods. Then she whispers, "I'd like a Big Mac, large fries, and a large Coke...."
A football team was short of a...
A football team was short of a goalkeeper, so the captain asked a cow grazing in the next field to join the team. The cow agreed. Later, the local cricket team needed a wicket keeper, so the same cow was asked to do the job. The cow replied: "Who ever heard of a cow playing cricket?"Funny jokes-Horrible accident
The guy was driving his pickup truck with his motorcycle in the back, when the truck lost control, ran off the road and plunged into the lake.
The guy died trying to get his motorcycle out of the back of the pickup. He drowned attempting to get the tailgate open.
The curiosity of the passenger
The curiosity of the passenger was excited by the fact that his seat mate had his right arm in a sling, and the following dialogue occurred:"You broke your arm, didn't you?"
"Well, yes, I did."
"Had an accident, I suppose?"
"Not exactly. I did it in trying to pat myself on the back."
"My land! On the back! Now, whatever did you want to pat yourself on the back for?"
"Just for minding my own business."
Meditate with me
“Nobody wants to meditate with me! I guess my 'om' is just getting too much resistance.”
Two men were sitting at a bar
Two men were sitting at a bar at the top of a skyscraper. Both were bending their elbows at a steady rate. The first man said, "You know, there's such an updraft on the outside of this building, that if you jump off, you'll fall for a bit, but the updraft will catch you, and bring you right back up to this balcony.The second guy said, "I don't believe it, you'll have to prove this to me."
So the first guy goes over the balcony and jumps off. He falls and falls and falls, and then he slows in mid drop, and begins rising back up. Finally, he lightly steps back onto the balcony. "See, I told you," he says.
The second guy says, "I've got to try that." So he jumps off the balcony, and falls and falls and falls and falls. Finally, splat on the ground.
The first guy returns to the bar and orders another drink.
As he serves the drink, the bartender says, "You're a mean drunk, Superman."
Enterprise
What do the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?
They both circle Uranus (your anus) in search of Klingons (cling-ons).
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
A lot of volcano eruptions are...
A lot of volcano eruptions are caused by grubs. It must be all the moultin' larvae.The Duck and the Condom
Two ducks go on their honeymoon and stay in a hotel. As they are about to make love, the male duck says, ''Oh, we haven't got any condoms. I'll ring down to room service.'' He calls and asks for some condoms.
The woman says, ''OK sir, would you like to put them on your bill?''
''No,'' he says, ''I'll suffocate!''
Chemistry Song 06
The Twelve Days of Chemistry
On the first day of chemistry
My teacher gave to me
A candle from Chem Study.
(second day) two asbestos pads
(third day) three little beakers
(fourth day) four work sheets
(fifth day) five golden moles
(sixth day) six flaming test tubes
(seventh day) seven unknown samples
(eighth day) eight homework problems
(ninth day) nine grams of salt
(tenth day) a ten page test
(eleventh day) eleven molecules
(twelfth day) a twelve point quiz
