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Short jokes - funny one liners (241 to 280)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 241 to 280. |
17 Labor Day Jokes to enjoy Monday Off
Labor Day always falls on the first Monday in September, have some jokes during 3 day weekend
Is Aunty Diane having her baby today?
Why did you think she is about to give birth?
Because you said today was Labor Day!
When is Labor Day?
About 9 months after Father’s Day.
Do you know, most people don't have to work today, because it's Labor Day.
If people are not working, shouldn’t we call today "No-Labor Day?"
What do you call a hobbit throwing a Labor Day party?
It’s just a little get-together.
Why do the employees get sick on Labor Day Weekend?
Weakened immune system.
Happy Labor Day!
Oh wait… we live on a farm. Never mind!
I told my coworker I was going skydiving labor day weekend and he asked how many feet I was diving from.
I looked down at my feet, "Just these two".
Why are locksmiths allowed to remain open on Labor Day?
They are key workers.
Why are zombies free labor?
They don’t need a living wage.
What do nuclear plants serve their workers for the Labor Day party?
Fission Chips.
Why did ancient Egyptians have a hard time recruiting laborers?
It was a pyramid scheme.
What do you call a sick co-worker?
Staff infection.
What do you call a snake that works for the Government?
A Civil Serpent.
How did a calendar factory worker get fired?
He took a day off on Labor Day.
Why do managers never go bowling with their employees?
Because they are afraid of them striking.
What is the day when most Babies are born?
Well, it’s Labor Day.
Most people enjoy a day off on Labor Day except for fire…
Fire works on the Labor Day.
Mississippi Blues
How does a hippie polygamist count his wives?
1 Mrs. hippie...
2 Mrs. hippie...
3 Mrs. hippie...
When Laughter Is Not the Best Medicine
Laughter is the best medicine...
Unless you have broken ribs.
30 Bacon jokes to celebrate International Bacon Day
The first Saturday in September is International Bacon Day and a day to enjoy all things bacon, including bacon jokes!
What is a pig’s favorite song?
"Don’t Go Bacon My Heart."
What’s a bacon lover’s favorite musical?
"Grease."
What’s a bacon lover’s favorite horror movie?
"Frankenswine."
What do you call a dinosaur wrapped in bacon?
Jurrasic Pork.
Why did the pig run naked across the football field?
He was streaky bacon.
Why did the bacon strip laugh?
Because the fried egg cracked a yolk!
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz.
Who was the smartest bacon lover that ever lived?
Albert Ein-swine.
What’s a bacon enthusiast’s favorite play?
"Hamlet."
What’s the most successful pick-up line in history?
"I’ve got bacon."
What do you call a fir tree covered in bacon?
A porky-pine!
Why was the cruise ship passenger thrown overboard?
He was hogging the bacon at the buffet.
What’s the best way to eat turkey bacon?
Gobble it up!
How do you know if the bacon you bought is real?
The package is marked ‘gen-u-swine.’
What pig is used to make spicy bacon?
Peppa Pig.
What color is the best cooked bacon?
Ma-hog-any.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?
Bacon and legs.
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the skillet?
Take away its tiny broom.
How many vegans does it take to eat a strip of crispy, delicious bacon?
Just one, if no one’s looking!
What would happen if pigs could fly?
The price of bacon would skyrocket!
Why did the pig go on Ancestry.com?
He wanted to read about history in the bacon.
With what crime was the bacon thief charged?
Hamburglary.
Why was the meat packer fired?
He was bringing home the bacon.
What should you use to write secret messages about bacon?
Invisible oink.
Why did the bacon delivery driver get a traffic ticket?
He was being a road hog.
What’s the name of the best pawn shop for selling bacon?
Ham Hocks.
What’s the best vehicle for delivering bacon?
A pigup truck.
What do you call a pig who gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
Why did the pig go into the kitchen?
He felt like bacon.
What did the pig say at the beach?
"It’s so hot, I’m bacon!"
Belgians During World War II
During World War II many Belgians were recruited to bake fluffy treats for the LustwaffleSix fresh jokes
Six fresh jokes to start weekend with laugh
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A tsunami.
I saw a guy and a girl doing high fives in a chemistry lab
and I thought, "wow they be bonding."
My doctor advised me to cut down on my sodium intake.
I took his advice with a pinch of salt.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
"Your underwear is much too tight and revealing," I said to my wife.
She replied, "Wear your own then."
I saw a book at the store today called "How to end 50% of your problems"
I bought two.
14 Cat jokes
What's a cat's favorite book?
The Great Cats-by.
What's a cat's favorite day of the week?
Cat-urday.
Why did the cats ask for a piano?
They wanted to make mew-sic.
What’s a cat’s favorite cereal?
Mice crispies.
What’s a cat’s favorite TV show?
Claw and Order.
If your cat was an artist, what would they paint?
Paw-traits.
What's a cat’s favorite color?
Purr-ple.
If cats taught school, what would they be called?
Purr-fessors.
What's a cat's favorite food?
Paw-sta.
What do you call a cat who loves to bowl?
An alley cat.
How did the lazy kittens work on their school project?
They put in the bare mew-nimum.
What's every kitten’s favorite movie?
The Little Purr-maid.
What's a cat’s favorite dessert?
Chocolate mouse.
Why don’t cats like online shopping?
They prefer cat-alogues.
Downsizing
Boss: Experts say that humor on the job relieves tension in this time of downsizing. Knock, knock.
Employee: Who's there?
Boss: Not you anymore.
Perform Under Pressure
I was in a job interview the other day and they asked if I could perform under pressure.
I said, "No, but I can perform Bohemian Rhapsody!"
Most democratic fish
Which species of fish are the most democratic?Those who vote in eelections.
Hot Robin, Hot Summer
It's been really hot this summer.
The other day I saw a robin pulling a worm out of the ground using potholders.
Top 10 jokes of the 2023 Edinburgh Fringe
Edinburgh Fringe 2023, the funniest joke: Lorna Rose Treen's zookeeper pun:
"I started dating a zookeeper,
but it turned out he was a cheetah."
~Lorna Rose Treen.
Here are the rest of the top 10 jokes:
"The most British thing I've ever heard?
A lady who said 'Well I'm sorry, but I don't apologise.'"
~Liz Guterbock.
"Last year I had a great joke about inflation.
But it's hardly worth it now."
~Amos Gill.
"When women gossip we get called bitchy;
but when men do it's called a podcast."
~Sikisa.
"I thought I'd start off with a joke about The Titanic
- just to break the ice."
~Masai Graham.
"How do coeliac Germans greet each other?
Gluten tag."
~Frank Lavender.
"My friend got locked in a coffee place overnight.
Now he only ever goes into Starbucks, not the rivals.
He's Costa-phobic."
~Roger Swift.
"I entered the 'How not to surrender' competition and
I won hands down."
~Bennett Arron.
"Nationwide must have looked pretty silly
when they opened their first branch."
~William Stone.
"My grandma describes herself as being in her 'twilight years'
which I love because they're great films."
~Daniel Foxx.
The bodybuilding punster
The bodybuilding punster pumped irony.Russians
Russians are Igor to please.Writes and Wrongs
Teacher: "Your spelling is really improving, Henry, I only counted three mistakes."
Henry: "That's great!"
Teacher: "And now, let's check the second sentence."
Food for Thought
Lisa: "My son is a waiter."
Rose: "Oh, he works in the food industry?"
Lisa: "No, he always keeps us waiting."
When the President called one
When the President called one of his opponents a “flaming bag of feces” it set off a poo lit ical firestorm.Relative WiFi JOKE
I’ve always thought my neighbors were quite nice people...
But then they put a password on their Wi-Fi!
Video Pun of the Day
#joke #short
Two Things A Child Will Share
There are only two things in the world that a child will willingly share...
A communicable diseases and mom's age.
Safe Sex
Every time I go on vacation my wife gets pregnant...
This year I'm taking her with me!
Meth addicts
What did one meth addict say to the other? Let's be frenzy.It's free to make a long
It's free to make a long distance call from the bathroom of a jumbo jet, if you use Sky pee.A statistically significant al
A statistically significant alcohol test is when you pee greater than .05.NED: I guess I'm a prett
NED: I guess I'm a pretty poor sport.ED: Really, how's that?
NED: Well, when the coach refuses to play me, I scream like a benchee!
Palin spent $150,000 on ca
Palin spent $150,000 on campaign outfits?Those who work with bamboo are
Those who work with bamboo are dirty rattan scoundrels.As she's watching the pa
As she's watching the paparazzi ruckus from heaven, I'm sure she wished to have been Princess Die-anonymously.True Hospitality
True hospitality is making your guests feel like they ARE at home...
... all the while you really wish they WERE at home!
Dozen of Nothing
My wife asked me why I call her 12?
Dozen cook, dozen clean, dozen do anything...
Stationary Bike
When I was at the gym yesterday, everyone kept asking me why I was always sitting still on the stationary bike.
I’m going downhill, dude, mind your own business.
You can get never get a straig
You can get never get a straight answer from an oceanographer. They just say, “it deepens.”
I refuse to make leek and pota
I refuse to make leek and potato soup. It's just a vichyssoise circle.It's politically incorre
It's politically incorrect to mock skin conditions. So choose your warts carefully.I Had A Disease
When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive.
It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.
Onion Tears
I remember the time when I was reminiscing my love life while cutting up an onion...
The onion cried.
The pervert was arrested after
The pervert was arrested after going back to the store and demanding a refondle.How do you get down off an elephant?
How do you get down off an elephant?
You don't, you get down off a goose.
Why are elephants always so broke?
They work for peanuts.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
Irrelephant.
