|
Short jokes - funny one liners (3441 to 3480)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 3441 to 3480. |
Problem Solved
When I am told, "You'll regret that in the morning", I don't let it bother me.
Being a problem solver, I just sleep in till noon.
The bakery was so wr...
“The bakery was so wrapped up in decorating for Christmas that they even decorated their website's cookies.”
If It Ain't Broke, Don't Fix It
Most people will say, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."
An engineer will say, "If it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."
Keeping School Clean
Teacher to the class: "How can we keep our school clean?"
Student: "By staying at home?"
“Did you hear about t
“Did you hear about the dog who ran two miles to bring back his master's stick? Personally, I think it's a bit far-fetched.”
One Million Dollars
Two friends are chatting...
"I will give one million dollars to the person who will fulfill my wish."
"What is your wish?"
"That somebody would give me two million dollars."
I was told that I wa...
“I was told that I was allergic to cats, but I have two and I'm feline fine!”
Not expecting to do well on th...
Not expecting to do well on the economics exam, Bill was heartened by the first question: In any given year, and to the nearest ton, how much wheat did the United States export?Smiling confidently, he wrote, "In 1492, none."
A cosmetics company...
“A cosmetics company had to recall its vanishing cream when many of the women using it were reported missing.”
Stealing A Board Game
A thief was arrested for breaking into a Toys "R" Us store and stealing a board game...
He got Life.
How Many Wives?
Two little boys were at a wedding when one leaned over to the other and asked, "How many wives can a man have?"
His friend answered, "Sixteen... four better, four worse, four richer, and four poorer."
A Dog's Life
I don't know why most people think a dog's life is so easy.
Every time I come home from work, I ask my dog how his day went.
He always says, "Rough!"
Just A Big Mess
After his marriage broke up, my manager became very philosophical. "I guess it was in our genes," he sighed.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Her sign is the one for earth. Mine is the one for water. Together we made mud."
How Many Telemarketers
How many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but they have to do it while you're eating dinner.
Marriage Certificate
Wife: "What are you doing?"
Husband: "Nothing."
Wife: "Nothing? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."
Husband: "I was looking for the expiration date."
Steinbeck considered...
“Steinbeck considered writing a novel where Adam Trask became a baker. He was going to call it 'Yeast of Eden.'”
Doesn't Even Need Glasses
John: "My grandpa is 98 years old, and he doesn't even use glasses."
Jack: "Wow, that is incredible!"
John: "Yep, he drinks straight from the bottle."
Writers Block
Why did Shakespeare only write in ink?
Pencils confused him... "2B or not to 2B?"
Why are frogs always so ha...
Why are frogs always so happy? They eat what ever bugs them
Man1: I am going to be a fathe...
Man1: I am going to be a father.Man2: Your wife should be happy now I guess.
Man1: The problem is she doesn't know about it.
One does not select...
“One does not select a gun by rifling through the hunting section.”
I thought becoming a...
“I thought becoming a real estate agent would be easy, but I had a lot to learn.”
Answering Machine Message 199
OK, one more time... This is our answering machine... This is the message on our answering machine... Any questions?
Once there was a Sco...
“Once there was a Scottish thief who stole only valuable, antique tartans. When he was arrested, he plaid guilty.”
He wasn't the most...
“He wasn't the most villainous knight in the realm, but he was medieval.”
I like all track and...
“I like all track and field events but I really get a charge out of the pole volt.”
If Prince William vi...
“If Prince William visits the Alps, is he on a scion vacation?”
