The best jokes (15631 to 15645)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 15631 to 15645. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
No ID
A woman went into a hardware store to purchase a bale of peat moss.
She gave a personal check in payment and said to the clerk, “I suppose you will want some identification.”
He replied, without hesitation, “No ma'am, that won't be necessary.”
“How come?” asked the woman.
“Crooks don't buy peat moss,” answered the clerk.
In Too Deep
There was a couple going at it for the first time, and they were going at it for a while when the guy asks the woman to open her legs a little wider. She does and they continue.A few minutes go by and he asks her again, "open your legs a little wider".
She does, then he asks again, "a little wider hun".
The woman starts getting pissed off but she does it. Till finally he asks again, "Can you open them just a little wider?"
So she finally yells "what are you trying to do get your balls in too?"
He says "no, I'm trying to get them out."
A student received a software ...
A student received a software package from his friend. But, he didn't have a computer.The label on the package said that the software required "Windows 3.1 or better."
So, he bought a Macintosh.
$20 Hooker
This guy is walking down the boardwalk in Atlantic City and he runs into a hooker.He says, "How much?"
She says, "Twenty bucks."
He says, "All right."
They climb down under the boardwalk, and he bangs her. The next night, he runs into the same hooker. They go under the boardwalk, only this time while he's banging her, she blasts two incredible farts. When they get done, he hands her twenty-FIVE dollars.
She says, "What the extra five?"
He says, "That's for blowing the sand off my balls."
Wherewolves a...
Wherewolves are endangered.Marketing Translations
Cracking an international market is a goal of most growing corporations. It shouldn't be that hard, yet even the big multi-nationals run into trouble because of language and cultural differences. For example, observe the following examples below.
The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax" depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 Chinese characters and found a close phonetic equivalent, "ko-kou-ko-le," which can be loosely translated as "happiness in the mouth."
In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" came out as "Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead."
Also in Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan "finger-lickin' good" came out as "eat your fingers off."
The American slogan for Salem cigarettes, "Salem - Feeling Free," got translated in the Japanese market into "When smoking Salem, you feel so refreshed that your mind seems to be free and empty."
When General Motors introduced the Chevy Nova in South America, it was apparently unaware that "no va" means "it won't go." After the company figured out why it wasn't selling any cars, it renamed the car in its Spanish markets to the Caribe.
When Parker Pen marketed a ballpoint pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to say "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." However, the company mistakenly thought the spanish word "embarazar" meant embarrass. Instead the ads said that "It wont leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."
An American t-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of the desired "I Saw the Pope" in Spanish, the shirts proclaimed "I Saw the Potato."
Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.
In Italy, a campaign for Schweppes Tonic Water translated the name into Schweppes Toilet Water.
With a
Q: How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Thats womyn with a Y, and its not funny!
Lightbulb... Christians
How many Christians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. The Bible makes no mention of lightbulbs.Many great oarsmen have become...
Many great oarsmen have become rowed scullers.Be a lumberjack. Saw t...
Be a lumberjack. Saw the world.Any recommendation to sleep wi...
Any recommendation to sleep with a midget just doesn't stand up to screw tiny.Cured...
A woman went to doctor's office for her annual examination.
Suddenly, another older doctor noticed her burst out of the examination room, screaming as she ran down the hall. He stopped the hysterical woman and asked her to sit down and relax. Then, he asked her what she was so upset about.
A few minutes later, the older doctor marched back to the woman's doctor and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children, and seven grandchildren... and you told her she was pregnant?"
The woman's doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard, "Cured her hiccups though, didn't I?"
