The best jokes (466 to 480)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 466 to 480. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
Job interview
On a job interview, the manager handed me his laptop and said, "Sell this to me."
So, I took it, left the office, and headed back to my place.
Eventually, he phoned me and demanded, "Return my laptop immediately!"
I said, "$300, and it's yours!"
20 Best dad jokes of all time
The funniest dad jokes ever told.
This 20 are voted as The best Dad jokes ever told but you can find also more Jokes for Father's Day to share with your father.
1. This graveyard looks overcrowded.
People must be dying to get in.
2. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down.
3. Dad, can you put my shoes on?
No, I don't think they'll fit me.
4. I used to hate facial hair…
but then it grew on me.
5. Can you put the cat out?
I didn't know it was on fire.
6. Wife said are you ever going stop singing Wonderwall.
I said maybe…
7. Ah, this takes me back when
putting the car into reverse.
8. I only know 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don't know y.
9. What do you call a magician who lost their magic?
Ian.
10. How do I look?
With your eyes.
11. Dad, did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut!
12. I'm afraid for the calendar.
Its days are numbered.
13. Wanna hear a joke about a pizza?
Never mind, it’s too cheesy.
14. I used to be addicted to the hokey cokey,
but I turned myself around.
15. I am terrified of lifts.
I'm going to take steps to avoid them.
16. What did one wall say to the other?
I'll meet you at the corner.
17. I used to be addicted to soap,
but I'm clean now.
18. How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
19. Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it's a soap opera.
20. Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?
Because if they flew over the bay, we'd call them bagels.
8 short dad jokes to make you laugh
mom:Do you think we’re made of money?
daughter: Isn’t that what MOM stands for?
I wanted to get rid of my old knackered flat screen tv that doesn't work anymore.
The council said they would charge me £27.00 to collect it and dispose of it.
Instead, I paid £7.50 and booked an online courier to collect it and deliver to somebody I don't like!
In my last job my wages were paid in vegetables.
I left because i was unhappy with the celery.
It was a very moving ceremony.
Even the cake is in tiers.
So, today, I told my team about the importance of dried grapes.
It’s all about raisin awareness.
Yeah. I was in a Zoom meeting when I told that joke and they didn’t laugh either.
It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.
My mum told me that I can’t drive a car made of spaghetti.
You should have seen her face when I drove pasta.
Why are Catholics so upbeat after church gatherings?
Because they convert Mass into energy.
See if you can do this. Read e...
See if you can do this. Read each line aloud without making any mistakes. If you make a mistake you MUST start over or it won't work.This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is moron cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat
Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top...
Your Wife Just Fell Out
On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?" To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"
Final Exam
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'
The vet
There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist.
Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and their owners, while doubling his practice and, therefore, his income.
He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door saying, "Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy -- Either way, you get your dog back!"
A cowboy, who just moved to Wy...
A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado . When we all left our home in Texas , we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
"Hasn't affected my brothers though."
Free Haircuts
A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, "you do Godâs work." The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, "you protect the public." The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.
A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, "you serve the justice system." The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.
An Alabama preacher said to hi...
An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate.
I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness From God and this Christian Family."
No one moved.
The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."
Again all was quiet.
Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding.I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."
The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared!
A man has six children and is...
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.
He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home now, 'Mother of six?'"
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of four."
An old, tired-looking dog wand...
An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home.He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep on the couch. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, resumed his position on the couch and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap."
The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with four children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?"
Walking with a lantern...
Pappy sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asks, "Where ya going boy?" The son smiled and replied, "I'm a-going courting Peggy-Sue." The Father said, "When I went a-courtin', I didn't need me no dang lantern." "Sure Pa, I know." the boy said. "And look what you got !" 
