The best jokes (76 to 90)The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 76 to 90. NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily. |
Busy Bus Stop
In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more. For the second time, attempted the step, and, once again, and much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step.
About this time, a big man who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!' The man smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."
Teachers On Patrol
Teacher: I hope I didn't just see you looking at Harry's paper, Raymond!
Raymond: I hope so too, teacher!
Out of Eden
A Sunday school teacher asked her students to draw a picture of their favorite Old Testament story. As she moved around the class, she saw there were many wonderful drawings being done. Then she came across the drawing of one little boy. He was busy drawing a man driving an old car. In the backseat were two passengers—both scantily dressed.”"It's a lovely picture,” prompted the teacher, “but which story does it tell?”The little boy seemed surprised at the question. “Well,” he exclaimed, “doesn't it say in the Bible that God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden?” Where Is God?
A couple had two little boys who were always getting into trouble. Their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their village, their sons were probably involved. The boys' mother heard that an elder in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her sons. The elder agreed, but asked to see them separately. So, the mother sent her youngest son first, in the morning. The elder, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response.So the elder repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the wide-eyed boy made no attempt to answer. The elder raised his voice and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?" The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into a closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him hiding, he asked, "What happened?"The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing, and they think WE did it!" Eating Out
This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor.
The husband asks "I notice you've been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?"
"Yes" she replies. "He's my ex-husband and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago."
"That's remarkable" the husband replies. "I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long."
Employee Motivation
The owner of a company tells his employees, “You worked very hard this year, therefore the company’s profits increased dramatically. As a reward, I'm giving everyone a check for $5,000!”
Thrilled, the employees gather round and high five one another.
“And if you work with the same zeal next year, I'll sign those checks!”
Scream Day Jokes
April 24th is #ScreamDay, created to bring awareness to the benefits of screaming. #Scream some #jokes!
My wife screamed, "you haven't listened to a single word I've said, have you?!"
I was taken aback... what a weird way to start a conversation.
A pregnant woman screams COULDN’T WOULDN’T SHOULDN’T CAN’T…
The Dr said “nothing to worry about, those are contractions”
What's long, thick, black, and can make you scream?
A tornado
I like to lick women until they scream
Usually only takes one lick.
My wife woke me up around Dawn, screaming her head off
I should mention Dawn was our babysitter.
What do you call a guy in a nascar screaming slurs?
Speed Racist.
#ScreamDay #ScreamDay2023
Picking leaves .. and few more short jokes
I'm an expert at picking leaves and heating them in water.
It's my special tea.
“I have a split personality” said Bob, being frank.
My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath.
But I can’t even finish drinking the hot bath.
I don't own a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into!
I asked my boss, "Can I get a couple of weeks off for Christmas?"
"It's May," he said.
I said, "Sorry. May I get a couple of weeks off for Christmas?"
Happy Monday! Check out new jokes!
I did my first nude painting yesterday.
The neighbors weren't happy but the front door looks great!
Man walks into an ancient Greek tailors with a pair of ripped trousers.
Tailor says, "Euripides?"
Man says, "Yeah. Eumenides?"
Her: It's ova.
Me: Why? Is it because I'm terrible at crosswords?
If I'm reading their lips correctly …
My neighbors are arguing about some creepy guy next door.
I married my wife for her looks.
Though not the ones she been giving me lately.
My son wanted to know what it was like to be a parent.
So I woke him at 2am to tell him my sock came off.
English lesson…
Tsunami
T is silent
Psychology
P is silent
Knife
K is silent
Honest
H is silent
Wife
Husband is silent
If I Had A Dollar
If I had a dollar for every time someone tells me to grow up...
I could build the coolest tree house ever!
Wrong Answer
My wife asked me what my favorite time to have sex was?
Apparently "when you're at work" was the wrong answer.
Stationary Bike
When I was at the gym yesterday, everyone kept asking me why I was always sitting still on the stationary bike.
I’m going downhill, dude, mind your own business.
Top 10 jokes of the 2023 Edinburgh Fringe
Edinburgh Fringe 2023, the funniest joke: Lorna Rose Treen's zookeeper pun:
"I started dating a zookeeper,
but it turned out he was a cheetah."
~Lorna Rose Treen.
Here are the rest of the top 10 jokes:
"The most British thing I've ever heard?
A lady who said 'Well I'm sorry, but I don't apologise.'"
~Liz Guterbock.
"Last year I had a great joke about inflation.
But it's hardly worth it now."
~Amos Gill.
"When women gossip we get called bitchy;
but when men do it's called a podcast."
~Sikisa.
"I thought I'd start off with a joke about The Titanic
- just to break the ice."
~Masai Graham.
"How do coeliac Germans greet each other?
Gluten tag."
~Frank Lavender.
"My friend got locked in a coffee place overnight.
Now he only ever goes into Starbucks, not the rivals.
He's Costa-phobic."
~Roger Swift.
"I entered the 'How not to surrender' competition and
I won hands down."
~Bennett Arron.
"Nationwide must have looked pretty silly
when they opened their first branch."
~William Stone.
"My grandma describes herself as being in her 'twilight years'
which I love because they're great films."
~Daniel Foxx.
Health or Wisdom
It is better to be healthy than wise...
Being sick costs you money, but you can be dumb for free.
Contortionist Who Passed Away
Did you hear about the contortionist who passed away?
He died in his own arms.
