Jokes of the day for Saturday, 10 September 2011

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 10 September 2011
  • Currently 9.52/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (62)

A man walked into a doctor's o...

A man walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. He replied, "I got shingles."

She said, "Fill out this form and supply your name, address, medical insurance number. When you're done, please take a seat."

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked him what he had. He said, "I got shingles."

So she took down his height, weight, and complete medical history, then said, "Change into this gown and wait in the examining room."

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked him what he had. He said, "I got shingles."

So she gave him a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told him to wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and asked him what he had. He said, "Shingles."

The doctor gave him a full-cavity examination, and then said, "I just checked you out thoroughly, and I can't find shingles anywhere."

The man replied, "They're outside in the truck. Where do you want them?"
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 4.17/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (6)

Chuck Norris once went skydivi...

Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Source: Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact
  • Currently 3.47/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (36)

Funny video of the day - Best penalty kick ever

Best penalty kick ever - Perform by the best player - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 2.56/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (9)

Funny jokes-Inconsiderate husband

Question. What is the definition of an inconsiderate husband?

Answer. One who wins a trip to Paris and goes by himself, twice.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (4)

Golf Equipment

Morris had been playing golf for years, and he had the finest equipment, but his technique never improved a bit.

As his friend watched, he teed up at the first hole and promptly drove a brand-new ball into the woods. On the second hole, he drove another new ball into a lake. On the third, he lost a new ball in another part of
the woods.

“Why don't you use an old ball?” his friend asked.

“I've never had an old ball,” Morris said.

#joke
Joke | Source: everything zoomer - For Boomers, Zoomers, 50+ seniors, and Retired People Everywhere, used to have fresh Joke of the day daily
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Funny Photo of the day - World’s Worst Commutes

World’s Worst Commutes | Source : That will buff out - funny auto escapade
  • Currently 4.44/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (9)

Mohondas Gand...

Mohondas Gandhi loved Japanese cars.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (3)

A man walked into a doctor's o...

A man walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. He replied, "I got shingles."
She said, "Fill out this form and supply your name, address, medical insurance number. When you're done, please take a seat."
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked him what he had. He said, "I got shingles."
So she took down his height, weight, and complete medical history, then said, "Change into this gown and wait in the examining room."
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked him what he had. He said, "I got shingles."
So she gave him a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told him to wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and asked him what he had. He said, "Shingles."
The doctor gave him a full-cavity examination, and then said, "I just checked you out thoroughly, and I can't find shingles anywhere. " The man replied, "They're outside in the truck. Where do you want them?"
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (3)

Find number abc

If 678b4 + 6ac76 = ac9a30 find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Learning by example...

Little Johnny was caught swearing by his teacher.

"Johnny," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language. Where did you hear such talk, anyway?"

"My daddy said it," he responded.

"Well, that doesn't matter," explained the teacher. "You don't even know what it means."

"I do, too!" Little Johnny retorted. "It means the car won't start."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (8)

Chemistry Song 08


Test Tubes Bubbling
(to the tune of "Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire")
Test tubes bubbling in a water bath
Strong smells nipping at ypur nose.
Tiny molecules with their atoms all aglow
Will find it hard to be inert tonight.
They know that Chlorine's on its way
He's loaded lots of little electrons on his sleigh
And every student's slide rule is on the sly
To see if the teacher really can multiply.
And so I offer you this simple phrase
To chemistry students in this room
Although it's been said many times, many ways
Merry molecules to you.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.06/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (17)

Top Ten Questions I Would Have Asked Monica Lewinsky

10. "Are you as completely sick of yourself as the rest of

the planet?"

9. "Technically, I'm President of the Late Show -- is that

anything?"

8. "Can Vernon Jordan help me get my old job back at NBC?"

7. "Could you get Clinton to do something about those weird

Old Navy

commercials?"

6. "Did you ever have sex with the president while he was

talking to me?"

5. "Do you know how much easier you've made my job over the

last 14 months?"

4. "What's this about you possibly running for senator from

New York?"

3. "Where do you see yourself in 10 affairs?"

2. "Who will you be sleeping with in 2000 -- Gore or Bush?"

1. "Did you bring a clip?"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.18/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (22)

Borrowed the Car

After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.

There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, “I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star.”

Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, “Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don't I?”

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 5.22/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (27)

How Many Deists?

Imam Mahdi Funny: Hey, Mahahaharaj.
Swami Mahahaharaj: Yes?
Imam Mahdi Funny: How many deists does it take to change a light bulb?
Swami Mahahaharaj: Hmm...I'm not sure. How many deists does it take to change a light bulb?
Swami Mahahaharaj: None. If the light bulb no longer interferes with the world, why bother interfering with the light bulb?

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 16 February 2011
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (9)

While the bar patron savored a...

While the bar patron savored a double martini, an attractive women sat down next to him. The bartender served her a glass of orange juice, and the man turned to her and said, "This is a special day. I'm celebrating."

"I'm celebrating, too," she replied, clinking glasses with him.

"What are you celebrating?" he asked.

"For years I've been trying to have a child," she answered, "Today my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"

"Congratulations," the man said, lifting his glass. "As it happens, I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile. But today they're finally fertile."

"How did it happen?"

"I switched cocks."

"What a coincidence," she said, smiling.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 22 October 2009
  • Currently 5.61/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (57)

An 83-year old woman decided t...

An 83-year old woman decided that she'd seen and done everything, and the time had come to depart from this world.

After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she came to the conclusion that the quickest and surest method would be to shoot herself through the heart.

The trouble was, she wasn't certain about exactly where her heart was, so she phoned her doctor and asked him. He told her that her heart was located two inches below her left nipple.

So she shot herself in the left kneecap.
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 04 April 2009
  • Currently 3.83/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (6)

A mother had three daughters a...

A mother had three daughters and on their wedding days, she tells each one of them to write back and tell her about their marriage life.

The first one gets married. The second day the letter arrives with a simple message: "Maxwell Coffee House". The Mother got confused and finally noticed a Maxwell advert saying "Satisfaction to the last drop...".

When the second daughter got married, it took a week for the letter to arrive and the message read: "Rothmans". So the Mother looked at a Rothmans ad, and saw: "Life Size, King Size"

Finally it was the third one's wedding. Mother was very anxious. After 4 weeks came the message: "British Airways". When mother looked into the ad, she fainted. The ad read: "Twice a day. Four times a week. Both ways."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 10 September 2009
  • Currently 4.69/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (13)

Twins

AUDI
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
Always Unsafe Designs Implemented
All Un-informed Drivers Insulted
All Unnecessary Devices Installed
BMW
Big Money Works
Bought My Wife
Brutal Money Waster
BUICK
Big Ugly Indestructable Car Killer
CHEVROLET
Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
DODGE
Dumb Old Dirty Gas Eater
Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
FORD
Fix Or Repair Daily
Found On Road, Dead
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
GM
General Maintenance
GMC
Garage Man's Companion
HONDA
Had One Never Did Again
Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else.
Hated Old Noisy Damaged Auto
HYUNDAI
Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive?
MAZDA
Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along
OLDSMOBILE
Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Every day.
Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment
SAAB
Send Another Automobile Back
TOYOTA
Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto
VOLVO
Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
VW
Virtually Worthless
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 10 September 2010
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (11)

Question And Answer Blond Jokes


Q: What stops then goes then stops then goes?
A: A blonde at a blinking red light.
Q: Did you hear about Pepsi's new soda just for blondes?
A: It has "open other end" printed on the bottom.
Q: Why do blondes always rapidly flap their hands towards theirs ears?
A: They're refuelling.
Q: Why did the blonde purchase an AM radio?
A: She didn't want one for nights.
Q: What about the blonde who gave birth to twins?
A: Her husband is out looking for the other man.
Q: Did you hear about the dead blonde in the closet?
A: She was last years hide and seek winner.
Q: What is dumber than a brunette building a fire under the water?
A: A blonde trying to put it out.
Q: Why did the blonde buy a brown cow?
A: To get chocolate milk.

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 10 September 2009
  • Currently 5.89/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (9)

Apples And Cookies A

There's a little boy named Timmy. One night, his mother told him to take a bath. Timmy said,"No! I don't wanna!" But his mother says,"Yes, you have to."

So Timmy says,"Well if I take a bath, will you take one with me?"

The mother says,"Well, O.K., but whatever you do, don't look up or down."

Timmy says,"O.K., I won't."

So when Timmy and his mom are in the bathtub, Timmy accidentally looks down and says,"What's that Mommy?"

She says,"Well Timmy, that's my apple."

Timmy says,"Ohhhhh, O.K."

Then Timmy looks up and says,"What's that Mommy?"

She replies,"Well Timmy, those are my cookies."

Timmy says,"Ohhhhh, O.K."

Then after their bath, they go to there bedrooms and go to sleep. The next night, Timmy is told to take a bath again, but this time by his father. His father tells him,"Time to take a bath Timmy."

Timmy says,"No, I don't want to."

His father says,"Well you have to."

Timmy says,"Well if I take a bath, will you take one with me?"

His father says,"Well O.K., but don't look down!" Timmy says,"O.K., I won't."

Then while they're in the bathtub, Timmy accidentally looks down and says,"What's that Daddy?"

His father says,"Well Timmy, that's my worm."

Timmy says,"Ohhhhh, O.K."

Later that night, a storm hits and Timmy runs into his parents bedroom, flips on the light, and says,"Mommy! Mommy! Daddy's eating your cookies and has his worm in your apple!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 10 September 2010
  • Currently 4.56/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (9)

Nice pigs sir...

A Secret Service agent is standing at the bottom of the stairs as President Clinton is leaving Air Force One, and can't help but notice that the President has a pig under each arm.

The Agent salutes and says, "Welcome back, Mr. President. Nice pigs, sir."

Clinton smiles and says, "These aren't pigs. These are genuine Arkansas Razorbacks. I got this one for Hillary, and I got this one for Chelsea."

The Agent says, "Good trade, sir."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 10 September 2010
  • Currently 6.38/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (8)

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