Jokes of the day for Saturday, 21 April 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 21 April 2012
  • Currently 9.54/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (26)

A woman was sitting at a bar e...

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away from him. The young man noticed her overly attentive stare & walked directly toward her. Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude for staring, the young man said to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, on one condition."

Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The young man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, withdrew from her purse and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which she pressed into the young man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes and slowly, meaningfully said, "Clean my house."
#joke
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 2.40/10

Rating: 2.4/10 (5)

School Zone

An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate.

The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed. Same result.

“This guy must have screwed up the settings,” the off-duty officer thought.

A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets: each for not wearing a seat belt!

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 3.57/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (7)

Funny video of the day - Man vs. Canada Goose

Man vs. Canada Goose - classic battle between man versus Canada goose - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 2.78/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (9)

Light bulb jokes-How many cops

How many cops does it take to change light bulb?
Just one, but he is never around when you need him.
Only one, but he has to see an officer do it first.
Three, one to do it, one to direct traffic and one to say "Show's over, nothing left to see here, folks, move along."
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 1.83/10

Rating: 1.8/10 (6)

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When someone told me there had...

When someone told me there had been a mixup and all my sausage was buried underground, I immediately exhumed the wurst.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.86/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (7)

Funny Photo of the day - Music FAILS: The Coachella 2013 Lineup Is Out!

Music FAILS: The Coachella 2013 Lineup Is Out! | Source : Fail blog - Epic Fail Pictures and Videos of Owned, Pwnd and Fail Moments
  • Currently 4.43/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (7)

Where babies from?

Mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her youngest daughter walks in.

Mother, where do babies come from?

Well dear...a mommy and daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their room...they kiss and hug and have sex. (The daughter looks puzzled.) That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey.

Oh I see, but the other night when I came into you and daddy's room you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?

Jewelry, dear.

#joke
Joke | Source: The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (21)

My Dad Is Better Than Your Dad

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers.
The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50."
The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."
The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon... and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 21 April 2011
  • Currently 3.56/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (9)

Calculate 5555+6666

If 5763+2345=5363 and 8926+6213=4126 then 5555+6666=?
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

The only sure things are Death...

The only sure things are Death and Taxes...and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 16 April 2011
  • Currently 2.76/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (25)

Chicamote handmade accessories
http://www.chicamote.com/

Paul F. Tompkins: Airline Security Drawings

As Im standing there, I see they have a little sign with pictures of things you are not allowed to bring on the plane anymore. And they have, like, little drawings: circle, line through it, No! One of the things you cant bring on the plane anymore is a bomb -- no, no, they had a picture, cant do it. And it was the classic cartoon bomb, like the bowling ball with the little sparky whip coming out of it. And then you might think, Oh, I got a way around that. Uh-uh, not so fast -- they also had a picture of the bundle of dynamite with the clock.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 09 December 2010
  • Currently 2.87/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (23)

A woman was sitting at a bar e...

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away from him. The young man noticed her overly attentive stare & walked directly toward her. Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude for staring, the young man said to her, 'I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, on one condition.' Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The young man replied, 'You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.'
The woman considered his proposition for a moment, withdrew from her purse and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which she pressed into the young man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes & slowly, meaningfully said, "Clean my house."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 16 September 2010
  • Currently 4.11/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (9)

Two blondes, Carol and Patt...

Two blondes, Carol and Patty, were walking down the street.

Carol noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She opened it, looked in the mirror and said, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar." Patty said, "Let me look!" So Carol handed her the Compact.

Patty looked in the mirror and said,"You dummy, it's me!

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 13 December 2009
  • Currently 5.36/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (42)

What do you want for Christmas?

The Santa Claus at the mall was very surprised when a young lady about twenty years old walked up and sat on his lap. Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her, "What do you want for Christmas?"

"Something for my mother," said the young lady.

"Something for your mother? Well, that's very thoughtful of you,'' smiled Santa. "What do you want me to bring her? "

Without blinking she replied, "A son-in-law!"

#joke #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 10 May 2009
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

How to Cure a Headache

A guy has been suffering from severe headaches for years

with no relief. After trying all the usual cures he's

referred to a headache specialist by his family doctor. The

doctor asks him what his symptoms are and he replies.

"I get these blinding headaches; kind of like a knife across

my scalp and...."

He is interrupted by the doctor, "And a heavy throbbing

right behind the left ear".

"Yes! Exactly! How did you know?"

"Well I am the world's greatest headache specialist, you

know. But I myself suffered from that same type of headache

for many years. It is caused by a tension in the scalp

muscles. This is how I cured it: Every day I would give my

wife oral sex. When she came she would squeeze her legs

together with all her strength and the pressure would relieve

the tension in my head. Try that every day for two weeks and

come back and let me know how it goes".

Two weeks go by and the man is back, "Well, how do you

feel?"

"Doc, I'm a new man! I feel great! I haven't had a headache

since I started this treatment! I can't thank you enough.

And, by the way you have a lovely home."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 21 April 2011
  • Currently 4.75/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (20)

On his birthday, Chuck Norris ...

On his birthday, Chuck Norris blows out his candles by blinking.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 21 April 2011
  • Currently 3.71/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (17)

Little Johnny had finished his...

Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school. Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to
tell her that he was misbehaving.
"Wait a minute," she said. "I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 21 April 2010
  • Currently 4.56/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (16)

One who runs in front of the c...

One who runs in front of the car gets tired. One who runs behind gets exhausted.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 21 April 2010
  • Currently 4.44/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (9)

Jim Breuer: Stumping a Stoner

You can stump any stoner with one question: what were we just talking about?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 21 April 2011
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (9)

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