Jokes of the day for Monday, 10 February 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 10 February 2014
  • Currently 9.45/10

Rating: 9.4/10 (67)

“Drivers who speed in...

“Drivers who speed in the snow often find themselves adrift.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 5.57/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (7)

Enter a Password

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, And at the appropriate point in the process. She told him that he would now need to enter a password, something he could remember easily and will use each time he has to log on.
The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password,
He made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in....
P... E... N.... I... S...
His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:
***PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH***

#joke
  • Currently 6.09/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (11)

Funny video of the day - Best Fails of the Week 1 February 2014

Best Fails of the Week 1 February 2014 - Many funny fails from first week of February 2014 - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.44/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (9)

Beautiful garden

A parson is congratulating a parishioner on his success at transforming an abandoned plot of land into a beautiful garden. ‘It's wonderful what man can achieve with the help of the Almighty,' says the parson.

‘Yes,' replies the parishioner. ‘Mind you, you should have seen the state it was in when He had it all to Himself.'
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 4.83/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (6)

The race...

Two natural gas company service personnel, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of an alley and worked their way to the other end.

At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter. When they finished, the senior supervisor, proud of his physical condition, challenged his younger co-worker to a foot race back to their truck.

As they approached the truck, they realized that the woman from the last house they checked was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.

Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I saw two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run, too!"

#joke
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

Funny Photo of the day - Knitting at the Winter Olympics

Knitting at the Winter Olympics - In case you are cold and need scarf right away | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 6.60/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (10)

Blondes Love Hunters

Q: Why did the blonde date hunters?

A: Because she heard they go deep into the bush, always

shoot twice, love to mount their prey and always eat what

they shoot.

#joke #short #blonde
  • Currently 5.38/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (8)

Stripper and Model

Q: What do you get when you cross a stripper with a model?

A: A boner.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.80/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (5)

Calculate the number 5800

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 5800 using numbers [1, 6, 3, 2, 42, 817] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Chuck Norris doesn't brush his...

Chuck Norris doesn't brush his teeth, he scares the plaque off each morning by snarling in the mirror.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 16 February 2012
  • Currently 4.03/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (29)

Answering Machine Message 208


(Gameshow-announcer voice:) Hello, and welcome to Phone Tag! (Cheers in background.) If you'd like to join the game, please leave your name and number at the beep, and we'll try to reach you when you're not around. And thanks once again for playing Phone Tag!

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 05 July 2011
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (36)

Zen Judaism

Relinquishment will lead to calm and healing in your relationships. If that doesn't work, try small claims court.
Though only your skin, sinews, and bones remain, though your blood and flesh dry up and wither away, yet shall you meditate and not stir until you have attained full Enlightenment. But, first, a little nosh.
Accept misfortune as a blessing. Do not wish for perfect health or a life without problems. What would you talk about?
Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?
There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?
The Torah says, "Love thy neighbor as thyself." The Buddha says there is no "self." So, maybe you are off the hook.If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?
Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.
Do not let children play contact sports like football. These only lead to injuries and instill a violent, warlike nature. Encourage your child to play peaceful games, like "sports doctor."
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single "oy."
This joke is reprinted from "Zen Judaism: For You a Little Enlightenment" by David M. Bader (Harmony Books, 2002). All rights reserved.

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 10 February 2011
  • Currently 4.80/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (25)

Teenage Daughters

There's an Englishman, Irishman & Scotsman all talking about their teenage daughters...

The Englishman says " I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day & I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she smokes".

The Scotsman says " That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I came across a half full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she drank."

With that the Irishman says " Both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I found packet of condoms. I was really shocked. I didn't even know she had a cock."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 10 February 2009
  • Currently 5.44/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (36)

The Dyslexic Rabbi

Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
A: He walks around saying "Yo."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 10 February 2012
  • Currently 4.60/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (30)

Do you know why the Cincinnati...

Do you know why the Cincinnati Bengals were the last NFL team to get a website?
Because they couldnt put three W's in a row.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 10 February 2009
  • Currently 5.34/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (29)

Zen Judaism

Relinquishment will lead to calm and healing in your relationships. If that doesn't work, try small claims court.
Though only your skin, sinews, and bones remain, though your blood and flesh dry up and wither away, yet shall you meditate and not stir until you have attained full Enlightenment. But, first, a little nosh.
Accept misfortune as a blessing. Do not wish for perfect health or a life without problems. What would you talk about?
Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?
There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?
The Torah says, "Love thy neighbor as thyself." The Buddha says there is no "self." So, maybe you are off the hook.If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?
Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.
Do not let children play contact sports like football. These only lead to injuries and instill a violent, warlike nature. Encourage your child to play peaceful games, like "sports doctor."
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single "oy."
This joke is reprinted from "Zen Judaism: For You a Little Enlightenment" by David M. Bader (Harmony Books, 2002). All rights reserved.

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 10 February 2011
  • Currently 4.80/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (25)

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