Jokes of the day for Saturday, 06 August 2016

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 06 August 2016
  • Currently 9.53/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (919)

One summer, the company that M...

One summer, the company that Morris worked for transferred him to another city. Morris was told that he had to take a new physical with the company doctor to continue to be employed.
All the tests came out fine, but the doctor remarked that Morris had the smallest penis he'd ever seen.
"Do you have any difficulties with it being so small?" the doctor asked.
"Not at all," Morris said. "I've got a wife, three kids, and we have a great sex life. But I must admit I do sometimes have a problem finding it in the daytime."
"What about at night?" the doctor asked.
"Nights are no problem," Morris said, "because at night, there are two of us looking for it!"
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Some 'Senior' personal ads s...

Some 'Senior' personal ads seen in ''theVillages'' Florida newspapers:
(Who says seniors don't have a sense of humor?)
FOXY LADY:
Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty,80's, slim, 5'4' (used to be 5'6'),searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion.Matching white shoes andbelt a plus.
LONG-TERM COMMITMENT:
Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband,and am looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot.Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.
SERENITY NOW:
I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation.If you are the silent type, let's get together,take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
WINNING SMILE:
Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosserto share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.
BEATLES OR STONES?
I still like to rock,still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar.If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen,let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.
MEMORIES:
I can usually remember Monday through Thursday.If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together.
MINT CONDITION:
Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair,many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves.Isn't in running condition, but walks well.
#joke #friday #monday
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 6.80/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (10)

Funny video of the day - Fails of the Week 1 August 2016

Fails of the Week 1 August 2016 - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

I Remember...

An elderly couple suffering from deteriorating memory signed up for a power memory class to improve their memories. The power memory method taught them to remember things by associating these with familiar objects. After completing the 5-day course, the old man was discussing the merits of the course with a neighbor in his backyard.

The old man claimed, "Signing up for that power memory class was one of the best things I've ever done."

The neighbor asked, "So who was your instructor?"

"Well, lemme see," said the old man. "What do you, ahhh, call that flower that smells nice but, ummm, has those thorns..."

"A rose?" volunteered the neighbor.

"Yeah, right!" nodded the old man who then turned towards his house and yelled, "Hey, Rose, what was the name of the instructor in our power memory class?"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

 Hot Air Balloon

An Australian, an Asian and a New Zealander are in a Hot air balloon and had to chuck away something cuz of the weight. the australian chucks away his capone hat, the asian throws away a chicken wing and the New Zealand throws out the Asian and said "We have heaps of asians in New Zealand".
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

Funny Photo of the day - Toilet with the best view

Toilet with the best view | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 9.29/10

Rating: 9.3/10 (7)

“Religious vultures p

“Religious vultures prey for their food.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

Animated GIF - Best friend

Best friend - Best friend - link to page gif is posted initially.
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

The Ring

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.
The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."
At that Statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.
"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check. "I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."
"I know," said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"
Don't mess with Old People.      

#joke #friday #monday
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (32)

Chess Knight Move

Find the country and its capital city, using the move of a chess knight. First letter is J. Length of words in solution: 7,8.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

A passenger in a taxi leaned o...

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me."

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 06 August 2013
  • Currently 8.19/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (36)

Golf in Heaven

Bill, the avid golfer, contacts a "Medium" and asks if there is a golf course in Heaven.

The Medium says that his request is a big order, but he will try and find out and get back to him in a few days.

After several days go by, Bill finally gets a call from the Medium.

"Well," said Bill, "What did ya find out?"

"I've got good news and bad news for you," said the Medium.

"OK, what's the good news?" Bill exclaimed.

"Well, there is a beautiful 36 hole golf course in Heaven, and you'll have 24 hour access with your own personal caddy," blurted out the Medium!!

"And the bad news?" asked Bill.

"You're due to tee-off this Sunday at around 10:30 in the morning," the Medium said!

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 06 August 2011
  • Currently 7.31/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (29)

Three Vampires Go To A Bar

Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire responds, "I vould like some blood."
The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some blood."
The waitress turns to the third vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some plasma."
The waitress looks up and says, "Let me see if I have this order correct. You want two bloods and a blood light?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 06 August 2011
  • Currently 5.74/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (27)

Michael Ian Black: Ambien Racing Game

Heres how you play: on your drive home tonight... when you get, like, 15, 20 minutes away from your house, take an Ambien -- and then just try to beat it. Really fun, and it makes the last part of the drive go really fast, you guys.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 06 August 2011
  • Currently 4.65/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (23)

Worst reply of a proposal...

Girl: I love you!
Boy: Hmm... And tell me, whats up??
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 06 August 2011
  • Currently 4.57/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (21)

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