Jokes of the day for Monday, 29 October 2018

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 29 October 2018
  • Currently 9.55/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (1435)

You gotta love the copywriter

#joke
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

“What do you call the

“What do you call the medical condition where your feet go to sleep? Coma-toes.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

NEW DICTIONARY

NEW DICTIONARY
ADULT :
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR :
A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL :
Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS :
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE :
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST :
Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST :
Someone me-deep in conversation
GOSSIP :
A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.
HANDKERCHIEF :
Cold Storage.
INFLATION :
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MYTH: A female moth.
MOSQUITO :
An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN :
Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET :
Something you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON :
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
TOOTHACHE :
The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW :
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
YAWN :
An honest opinion openly expressed.
WRINKLES :
Something other people have. You have character lines.
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

 Knock Knock Collection 129


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Miniature!
Miniature who?
Miniature open the door, I'll tell you!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Minneapolis!
Minneapolis who?
Minneapolis a day keeps the doctor away!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Minnie!
Minnie who?
Minnie more!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Minnie!
Minnie who?
No not Minnie-who - Minnehaha!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Minsk!
Minsk who?
Minsk meat!

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (13)

Why Did Baby Jesus Go to Jerusalem?

A catechist asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem.A small child replied, “They couldn’t get a baby-sitter?”
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 22 February 2017
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

A man was sitting at a bar whe

A man was sitting at a bar when he noticed a pirate walk in the front door. The pirate had a peg leg,a hook for one hand, and a patch over one eye. Feeling sorry for the pirate, the man said,"Come over here friend. You look like you've had a hard life and I'd liketo buy you a drink." The pirate came over and ordered rum.
"Just out of curiosity," the man said, "how did you lose your leg?"
"Arrrgh!" said the pirate, "I lost that timber to a tiger shark in the Caribbean when I was thrown overboardfor stealing a man's rum."
"That's just terrible. How did you lose your hand?" the man said.
"Arrrgh!" said the pirate, "I lost that fighting cannibals offMadagascar under Admiral Hawk."
"Oh my!" the man said, "I can't even imagine!How did you lose your eye?"
"Arrrgh! A seagull pooped in it!" said the pirate.
"A seagull!" the man exclaimed. "Is seagull poop dangerous?!"
he asked. "Nay, matey, it was me first day with the hook..."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 22 October 2016
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

Which is a winning combination of digits?

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

The traveling evangelist ...

A traveling evangelist always put on a grand finale at his revival meetings, When he was to preach at a church, he would secretly hire a small boy to sit in the ceiling rafters with a dove in a cage. Toward the end of his sermon, the preacher would shout for the Holy Spirit to come down, and the boy in the rafters would dutifully release the dove.

At one revival meeting, however, nothing happened when the preacher called for the Holy Spirit to desend. He again raised his arms and exclaimed: "Come down, Holy Spirit!"

Still no sign of the dove.

The preacher then heard the anxious voice of a small boy call down from the rafters:

"Sir, a big black cat just ate the Holy Spirit. Shall I throw down the cat?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 04 November 2015
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

Q. Why are married women heavi...

Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?

A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 29 October 2009
  • Currently 5.34/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (65)

Having a Beer

A man walks into a bar and orders three beers. He takes a drink out of one... sets it down. Takes a drink out of the second... sets it down. Takes a drink out of the third one... sets it down and repeats this process until all three beers are gone. The man then leaves.

On the same day the following week he is back and does the same thing with the three beers. This goes on for a month or two. The bartender is getting curious. The next time the man comes in, the bartender says, "I don't mean to be nosy, but why do you drink from three beers at one time?"

The man says, "When my two brothers and I lived close, we would go to the bar every week and have a beer together. Now we are all married and have moved far away. We all agreed that wherever we are, every week, we will each go to a local bar and have three beers to remember old times."

The bartender nods and goes on. The man finishes his three beers and leaves. A month later the man comes in and orders only two beers. He takes a drink from one... sets it down. Takes a drink from the second beer... sets it down, and repeats this process until the two beers are gone. This goes on for about a month and the bartender gets curious. The next time the man is in the bar, the bartender inquires, "I don't mean to be nosy, but what happened? Did one of your brothers pass away or something?"

The man says, "Oh, no, nothing like that. It's just that my wife said that I couldn't go to the bar and drink anymore... but she didn't say anything about my brothers."

#joke #walksintoabar #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 29 October 2009
  • Currently 6.82/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (28)

Aliens DO indeed exist. They j...

Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 29 October 2011
  • Currently 4.04/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (24)


When Mozart passed away, ...


When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple
days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard
some strange noises coming from the area where Mozart was buried.
Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave,
listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony,
being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony,
And it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the
Sixth...the Fifth..." Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned
on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the
cemetery. "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 29 October 2009
  • Currently 4.78/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (23)

The Cesium Song 07


Yesterday,
I had Cesium with which to play.
Now all my fingers have been blown away.
And silence reigns since yesterday.
Suddenly,
I'm just half the man I used to be.
I have no eyes with which to see.
My legs have parted company.
Why she had to blow,
I don't know,
I can only say.
Something went awful wrong,
In the waterbed where we lay.
Yesterday,
Her sky blue path seemed such an easy way.
Now I know there is a price to pay.
Oh, I believed just yesterday.
---Songs of Cesium #117

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 29 October 2009
  • Currently 4.76/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (21)

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