On the Stand
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
A little girl and a little boy...A little girl and a little boy were at day-care one day. The girl approached the boy and said, "Hey Billy, want to play house?"
He said, "Sure! What do you want me to do?"
Sally replied, "I want you to communicate your feelings."
"Communicate my feelings?" said a bewildered Billy. "I have no idea what that means."
The little girl nods and says, "Perfect. You can be the husband".
One day the teacher decides toOne day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up apicture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No oneraises his/her hand. The teacher says "See it's long neck? Whatanimal has a long neck?"
Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe.
"Very good Sally," the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a zebra.None of the students holds up his/her hands. "See the stripes onthis animal? What animal has stripes?"
Billy holds up his hand and says it is a zebra. "Very good Billy," the teacher replies. Nextshe holds up a picture of a deer. None of the students recognizedthe animal.
"See the big antlers on this animal. What animal has horns like this?"
Still no one guesses. "Let me give you another hint, it'ssomething your mother calls your father."
Johnny shouts out "I know what it is, it's a horny bastard."
When Chelsea Clinton was eight, Hillary was reading one of her favorite fairy tales.
"Mommy," asked Chelsea, "Do all fairy tales begin with "Once Upon a Time...?""
"No, dearest," replied Hillary, "sometimes they start with 'Darling, I have to work a little late at the office tonight...'"
An Albertan's favourite ...An Albertan's favourite movie? Tarsand.
Top 10 Reasons God Created Eve
10. God worried that Adam would always be lost in the garden because men hate to ask for directions.
9. God knew that Adam would one day need someone to hand him the TV remote.
8. God knew that Adam would never buy a new fig leaf when his seat wore out and would therefore need Eve to get one for him.
7. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor's appointment for himself.
6. God knew that Adam would never remember which night was garbage night.5. God knew that if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle childbearing.
4. As "Keeper of the Garden," Adam would never remember where he put his tools.
3. The scripture account of creation indicates Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.
2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone!"
1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched His head and said, "I can do better than that."