Halloween jokes (76 to 90)

A little kid was out trick-or-

A little kid was out trick-or-treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate. He rang a house's doorbell and the door was opened by a lady. "Oh, how cute! A little pirate! And where are your buccaneers?" she asked. The boy replied, "Under my buckin' hat."

Yo momma's so ugly, the gover...

Yo momma's so ugly, the government moved Halloween to her birthday!

A cab driver picks up a nun...

A cab driver picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you".
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that. But first, you have to be single and you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"
"OK" the nun says. "Pull off to the side of the road, "maybe we will see what we can do."
The nun plants a whopper of a kiss on the cabbie! But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?"
"Forgive me, but I've sinned. I lied. I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."

Halloween Q & A

Q. What do goblins and ghosts drink when they're hot and thirsty on Halloween?  A. Ghoul-aid!!!

Q. What is a Mummie's favorite type of music?  A. Wrap!!!!!

Q. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?  A. Because demons are a ghouls best friend!

Q. What's a monster's favorite bean?  A. A human bean.

Q. Why can't the boy ghost have babies?  A. Because he has a Hallo-weenie.

Q. What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?  A. A sand-witch.

Q. Where does a ghost go on Saturday night?  A. Anywhere where he can boo-gie.

Q. What did the skeleton say to the vampire?  A. You suck.

Q. What do ghosts say when something is really neat?  A. Ghoul

Q. Why did the ghost go into the bar?  A. For the Boos.

What do you do when 50 zombies...

What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?
- Hope it's Halloween.

Q: What kind of candy do India

Q: What kind of candy do Indians give out on Halloween?
A: Dots.

Yo mama is so fat on Halloween

Yo mama is so fat on Halloween she threw on a white sheet and went as Antarctica.

Your Halloween costume came in...

Your Halloween costume came in the mail today. I opened it. It was a rooster mask and a bag of lollipops. Going as a c*ck sucker again!?

Scary Collection 65

A witch joke
Who went into a witche's den and came out alive?
The witch!

A witch joke
What is a witches favourite magazine?
The witch report!

A witch joke
What did the young witch say to her mother?
Can I have the keys to the broom tonight!

A witch joke
What's the best advice you can give to a witch on a broomstick?
Don't fly off the handle!

A witch joke
Who turns the lights off at halloween?
The light's witch!

A witch joke
Whats the difference between a broomstick and a pumpkin?
Ever tried broomstick pie?
!

A wizard joke
What do you call a wizard from outer space?
A flying sorcerer!

Doctor Doctor Collection 12

Doctor, Doctor I feel like a dog!
Sit!
Doctor, Doctor I feel like a needle.
I see your point!
Tell me straight Doc, Is it bad?
Well, I ouldn't start watching any new soap operas!
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a telephone.
Well, take these pills and if they don't work then give me a ring!
Doctor, Doctor I'm having trouble with my breathing.
I'll give you something that will soon put a stop to that!
Doctor, Doctor what did the x-ray of my head show?
Absolutely nothing!
Doctor Doctor I'm so ugly what can I do about it?
Hire yourself out for Halloween parties!
Doctor, Doctor I keep painting myself gold
Don't worry it's just a gilt complex!

Halloween Handouts

The Top 10 Least Popular Halloween Handouts

1. Spinach flavored Rice Cakes.
   
2. Teeth removing Taffy
   
3. Metamucil in a straw
   
4. Ex-Lax Brownies
   
5. Caramel Covered Zucchini
   
6. Colored Crisco on a Stick
   
7. Hot steaming bowl of pumpkin guts
   
8. Chocolate Covered Prunes
   
9. A Handful of Red Man
   
10. Anything that ticks!
    

YOU LIVE IN CALIFORNIA WHEN - ...

YOU LIVE IN CALIFORNIA WHEN - -

1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.
3. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
4. You know how to eat an artichoke.
5. You drive to your neighborhood block party.
6. Someone asks you how far away something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

YOU LIVE IN NEW YORK WHEN - -

1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty.
3. You can get into a 4-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
4. You think Central Park is "nature."
5. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.
6. You've worn out a car horn.
7 You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

YOU LIVE IN ALASKA WHEN - -

1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

YOU LIVE IN THE DEEP SOUTH WHEN - -

1. You get a movie and bait in the same store.
2. "Ya'll" is singular and "all ya'll" is plural.
3. After fifteen years you still hear, "You ain't from 'round here, are ya?"
4. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.
5. Everyone has 2 first names.


YOU LIVE IN COLORADO WHEN - -
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, and he stops at the Day Care Center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a ponytail.

YOU LIVE IN THE MIDWEST WHEN - -

1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different! "


YOU LIVE IN FLORIDA WHEN - -
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people
6. You don't know how to vote

Rocky...

One Halloween a trick-or-treater came to my door dressed as "Rocky" in boxing gloves and satin shorts. Soon after I gave him some goodies, he returned for more. "Aren't you the same 'Rocky' who left my doorstep several minutes ago?" I asked.

"Yes," he replied, "but now I'm the sequel. I'll be back three more times tonight too."

A Collection Of Insults

A brief synopsis... When you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember some these quips from our collection here at Aha! Jokes.

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Operating in stand-by mode.
Ought to have a warning label on his forehead.
Out there where the buses don't run.
Outlet isn't grounded.
Over the rainbow.
Overdue for reincarnation.
Overruns above 110 baud.
Paged/swapped out.
Paralyzed from the neck up.
Parents beat him with an ugly stick.
Parked his head and forgot where he left it.
Pedaling real fast, but not getting anywhere.
People around her are at risk of second hand idiocy.
Perfect chassis, bad driver.
Perfect face for Halloween.