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Short jokes - funny one liners (8161 to 8200)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 8161 to 8200. |
A Prayer Upon Waking
Dear God, so far today, I've done all right. I haven't gossiped, and I haven't lost my temper.I haven't been grumpy, nasty or selfish, and I'm really glad of that!
But in a few minutes, God, I'm going to get out of bed, and from then on, I'm probably going to need a lot of help.
Thank you! Amen.
I Only Ordered A Double
I walked into a bar the other day and ordered a double.
The bartender brought out a guy who looked just like me.
Dating a Nun
Dating a Nun Did you hear about the guy who tried to date a nun?He wanted to take her to the county fair, but she declined on account of she had taken a vow abstaining from Carnival pleasures.
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member BeerLover
What do you do?
"What do you do?" a young man asked the beautiful girl he was dancing with. "I'm a nurse."
"I wish I could be ill and let you nurse me," he whispered in her ear.
"That would be miraculous. I work on the maternity ward."
Q: Did you hear about the Budd...
Q: Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocaine during a root canal?A: His goal: transcend dental medication.
Cleaner unhappy
Why was the cleaner unhappy with his job?Because he believed that grime didn't pay!
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
April Fools' Day Pranks - Picture This
Take a screenshot of the desktop of Dad's computer, and leave the image open. Sit back and let him freak out for a few minutes, believing the computer is frozen. Encyclopedias for Sale
Q: Why did the married man sell his complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica?
A: He didn't need them any longer -- his damn wife knows everything.
Big ethical dilemma
Upon seeing an elderly lady for the drafting of her will, the attorney charged her $100.She gave him a $100 bill, not noticing that it was stuck to another $100 bill.
On seeing the two bills stuck together, the ethical question came to the attorney's mind: "Do I tell my partner?"
At a wedding party recently, s...
At a wedding party recently, someone yelled, "All the married men, please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living!" The bartender was crushed to death.Check the E-mail Address
A few days after her husband's death, a grieving widow accidentally receives an e-mail from a man waiting for his wife in Miami.
The e-mail reads:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.
Saddam & Fred
How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone?Both use to look out their windows and see Rubble.
“Global warming campa...
“Global warming campaigners lament the invention of the infernal combustion engine.”
Thermometer
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?The taste.
“The historian loves ...
“The historian loves reading about bobcats. They are lynx to the past.”
If you ever get cold, just sta...
If you ever get cold, just stand in the corner of a room for a while. They're normally around 90 degrees.You Might Be In A Redneck Hotel
You know you're in a redneck hotel when you phone the front office and say, "I've got a leak in the sink."
And they say, "Go ahead!"
“I was too busy drink...
“I was too busy drinking to notice that all my cigarettes had gone ashtray.”
Yo Mama is so fat, when she pr...
Yo Mama is so fat, when she pressed the UP button on the elevator it went DOWN.Tell Me About Your Circuit Breaker
Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but it takes five sessions.
“The lazy musician wa...
“The lazy musician was told to shake allegro or make himself scherzo.”
At the doctor's office, Tom wa...
At the doctor's office, Tom was getting a check up. "I have good news and bad news," says the doctor. "The good news is you have 24 hours left to live." Tom replies, "That's the good news?!" Then the doctor says, "The bad news is I should have told you that yesterday."
Q: What's the definition of mi...
Q: What's the definition of mixed emotions?A: When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your brand new car.
Yo momma so fat her belly butt...
Yo momma so fat her belly button made it to her house 15 minutes before she did.The Salvation Army
A drunk went into a telephone booth and dialled at random.."Salvation Army" came the answer.
"What do you do?"
asked the man.
"We save wicked men and women," came the reply.
"Well, save me a wicked woman for Saturday night."
