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Short jokes - funny one liners (3841 to 3880)Short funny jokes. These jokes are less 300 chars long, so easy to remember! These are the jokes listed 3841 to 3880. |
Ted walks into a bar and shout...
Ted walks into a bar and shouts out, "So... who's the strongest person in here?"The toughest guy looks at him and says, "I am the strongest person around these parts!"
Ted politely asks, "Can you help me push my car to the gas station?"
Answering Machine Message 43
Militaristic mechanical voice: FOXTROT-LIMA-ALPHA-SIERRA-HOTEL. KEY-DESTRUCT-SEQUENCE-NOW. THIS-TERMINAL-ALSO-ACCEPTS-VOICE-MESSAGES.
Grocery store worker...
“Grocery store workers must let the customer decide if they want paper or plastic because baggers can't be choosers.”
In the Beginning…
In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth, and then He rested.Then God created man, and then they both rested.Then God created woman, and since then neither God nor man has ever rested. “The farmer who got a
“The farmer who got arrested couldn't make bale so he asked his best friend to combine his money with his so he could be set free.”
Before the internet ...
What did our parents do to kill boredom before the internet?
I asked my 26 brothers and sisters and they didn't know either
Author:DwightKSchnute“Sadly my teacher, wh
“Sadly my teacher, who could use two typewriters at one time, got fired for stereotyping.”
Answering Machine Message 166
(Recorded directly from AT&T:) We're sorry, but the number you dialed is disconnected or no longer in service.When the two magicia...
“When the two magicians liked each other on their first date, it was love at first sleight.”
You do not know you are dead
Remember, when you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It is only painful for others. The same applies when you are stupid
I like a drink as much as the next man. Unless the next man is Mel Gibson.
Author:Ricky GervaisBee that lives in America
What do you call a bee that lives in America?
A USB.
Author:PM_ME_UR_VULVASAUR_I have an idea for a...
“I have an idea for a chain of Elvis Presley steak houses. It will be for people who love meat tender.”
Confucius Say ...
Confucius say, "When you are angry at neighbor, walk a mile in his shoes. Then you will be a mile away from him, and you will have his shoes!"Draw attention
“One, who is smart enough to draw attention, can easily canvass his thoughts and ideas!”
Fly for a day or?
Give a man a plane ticket and he’ll fly for a day.
Push a man from a plane and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.
Author:prash_rant
Get in shape New Year’s resolution
My New Year’s resolution is to get in shape.
I choose round
Author: Sarah Millican
What do you call whe...
“What do you call when only one twin survives during pregnancy? Survival of the fetus.”
Should Have Glasses
A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses."The woman answered "Well, I have contacts."
The policeman replied "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!"
Teddy bear and cake
Q: What did the teddy bear say when it was offered some birthday cake?
A: No thanks, I'm stuffed.
It's been my life l...
“It's been my life long vision to become an optometrist, but I just couldn't see a way to make it happen.”
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? - One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
Great at making Sunday lunches
I told my friend that he'd be great at making Sunday lunches.
Because he's an excellent roaster.
Author: UnstoppablePhoenix /@MasterPhoenix
Two lambs are in a m...
“Two lambs are in a meadow. Which one frequents a casino?
The one that's gambolling.”
Sermon made him pay income tax
After hearing a sermon about lies and deceit, a man wrote the IRS: "I have been unable to sleep, knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. I have reviewed my taxable income and have enclosed a check for $900. If I still can't sleep, I will send the rest."
