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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
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The best jokes - top rated jokes
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The best jokes rated by site visitors. Top rated jokes. These are the best jokes rated 11 to 20.
NOTE jokes sometimes might seem not to be in order. Due to better performance joke top list is refreshed only once daily.
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| John comes back quite late from a day at the golf course and his wife asks: "What kind of time do you call this?"
"It was terrible dear," John replies. "I was playing a round with Harry and suddenly he collapsed and died at the third hole."
"That must have been awful for you dear." said John's wife.
John said "You're right, it was awful. Fifteen holes of hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry . . ."
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joke of the day - permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 10.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Get Out Of The Car |
(This is supposedly a true account recorded in the Police Log of Sarasota, Florida) An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!" The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee, and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake. The sergeant to whom she told the
story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed. Moral of the story? If you're going to have a senior moment...make it memorable.
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joke of the day - permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 10.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Native American Trades |
An old Native American wanted a loan for \$500. He approached his local banker. The banker pulled out the loan application, asking, "What are you going to do with the money?"
"Take jewelry to city and sell it," said the old man.
"What have you got for collateral?" queried the banker, going strictly by the book.
"Don't know of collateral."
"Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicles?"
"Yes, I have a 1949 Chevy pickup."
The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?"
"Yes, I have a horse."
"How old is it?"
"I don't know; it has no teeth."
Finally the banker decided to make the \$500 loan.
Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, "Here's the money to pay loan," he said, handing the entire amount including interest.
"What are you going to do with the rest of that money?"
"Put it in my pocket."
"Why don't you deposit it in my bank?" he asked.
"I don't know of deposit."
"Well, you put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to use it you can withdraw it."
The old Indian leaned across the desk, looking suspiciously at the banker, and asked, "What you got for collateral?"
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joke of the day - permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 10.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Business One-liners 21 |
Democracy is that form of government where everybody gets what the majority deserves.
Diplomacy is the ability to tell someone to "get lost" in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have your way.
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you find a large enough rock.
Do not believe in miracles, rely on them.
Do someone a favor and it becomes your job.
Do whatever your enemies do not want you to do.
Doing a good job around here is like wetting your pants in a dark suit; you get a warm feeling, but nobody notices.
Don't be irreplaceable; if you cannot be replaced, you cannot be promoted.
Don't be so open minded that your brain falls out.
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joke of the day - permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 10.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Rules |
A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules.
"I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said. "Any comments?"
His new bride replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night ... whether you're here or not."
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joke of the day - permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 10.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:
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"Honk, if you don't exist."
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joke of the day - permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 10.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Rules |
A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules.
"I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said. "Any comments?"
His new bride replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night ... whether you're here or not."
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joke of the day - permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 10.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
History Teacher: "Why was George Washington standing in the bow of the boat as the army crossed the Delaware?"
Student: "Because he knew if he sat down, he would have to row."
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joke of the day - permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 10.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Sexual Exhaustion |
| One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?"
and the whole classroom burst into laughter.
After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write." |
joke of the day - permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 10.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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The Mink Coat |
| A man walks into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier with a gorgeous blonde on his arm.
"Show the lady your finest mink!" the fellow exclaims. So the owner of the
shop goes in the back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat.
As the lady tries it on, the furrier sidles up to the guy and discreetly
whispers,
"Ah, sir, that particular fur goes for
\$65,000."
"No problem! I'll write you a check!"
"Very good, sir." says the shop owner.
"Today is Saturday. You may come by on Monday to pick it up, after the check has cleared."
So the man and the woman leave. On Monday, the fellow returns. The store owner is outraged: "How dare you
show your face in here?! There wasn't a single penny in your checking account!!"
"I just had to come by," grinned the guy, "to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life!" |
joke of the day - permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 10.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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