Jokes of the day for Saturday, 04 October 2008

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 04 October 2008
  • Currently 9.50/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (111)

Vatican Fried Chicken


During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord's prayer from "Give us this day our daily bread" to "Give us this day our daily chicken," and Kentucky Fried Chicken will donate $10,000,000 to Catholic charities. The Pope declined.
Two weeks later, the man approached the Pope again - this time with a $50,000,000 offer. Again, the Pope declined. A month later, the man upped the price to $100,000,000, and this time the Pope accepted.
At a meeting of the Cardinals, the Pope announced his decision in the good news/bad news format. "The good news is: We have $100,000,000 for charities. The bad news: We lost the Wonder Bread account."
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 6.20/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (5)

Because he was going to inheri...

Because he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly widowed father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away.

"I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars and would like to have someone to share it with."

The woman went home with Charles, and the next day she became his stepmother.

Men will never learn.
#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 4.63/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (8)

Drunken argument...

Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other, "What a beautiful night. Look at that moon!"

The other drunk stops and looks at his drunk friend. "You are wrong. That's not the moon; that's the sun!"

Both continued arguing for awhile when they came upon another drunk walking along. So they stopped him and said, "Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?"

The third drunk look at the sky and then looked at them and said, "Sorry, I don't live around here."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.80/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (5)

1974 vs 2004

A m...

1974 vs 2004

A measure of aging over 30 years

1974: Long hair

2004: Longing for hair

1974: KEG

2004: EKG

1974: Acid rock

2004: Acid reflux

1974: Moving to California because it's cool

2004: Moving to California because it's warm

1974: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

2004: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

1974: Seeds and stems

2004: Roughage

1974: Hoping for a BMW

2004: Hoping for a BM

1974: Going to a new, hip joint

2004: Receiving a new hip joint

1974: Rolling Stones

2004: Kidney Stones

1974: Being called into the principal's office

2004: Calling the principal's office

1974: Screw the system

2004: Upgrade the system

1974: Disco

2004: Costco

1974: Parents begging you to get your hair cut

2004: Children begging you to get their heads shaved

1974: Passing the drivers' test

2004: Passing the vision test

1974: Whatever

2004: Depends

#joke
Joke | Source: http://www.webwombat.com.au/ - Jokes: Joke of the Day
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (4)

Did you hear about the stupid ...

Did you hear about the stupid husband who had eight vasectomies? He had to because his wife kept getting pregnant.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 3.20/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (5)

Rude Drunk

A woman walked into a bar carrying a duck under her arm. The local drunk saw this and asked, "Hey, whatcha doin' with that pig?"

"That's not a pig, you stupid ass!" she said coldly. "That's a duck."

The drunk replied. "I was talking to the duck."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

What a winning combination?

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Strangers on a Train

A scientist gets on a train to go to New York. His cabin also has a poor farmer in it. To pass the time the scientist decides to play a game with the guy.
"I will ask you a question and if you get it wrong, you have to pay me one dollar. Then you ask me a question, and if I get it wrong, you get ten dollars. You ask me a question first." The farmer thinks for a while.
"I know. What has three legs, takes ten hours to climb up a palm tree, and ten seconds to get back down?" The scientist is confused and thinks long and hard about the question. Finally, the train ride is coming to an end. As it pulls into the station, the scientist takes out ten dollars and gives it to the farmer.
"I don''t know. What has three legs, takes ten hours to get up a palm tree and ten seconds to get back down?"
The farmer takes the ten dollars and puts it into his pocket. He then takes out one dollar and hands it to the scientist.
"I don''t know."
#joke
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (6)

What do you call a woman with ...

What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?
Eileen

Sean Edwards, Leith

If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@edinburgh news.com


The full article contains 40 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

  • #joke
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 3.80/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (10)

q: What do you get when you c...

q: What do you get when you cross an impressionist painter with a New York City cab driver?

A: You get Vincent Van Go Fuck Yourself.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Ray Owens' Joke A Day - Making Fun Of Morons Since 1863
  • Currently 3.96/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (47)

Signs Of Christmas

Toy ...

Signs Of Christmas

Toy Store: “Ho, ho, ho spoken here.”

Bridal boutique: “Marry Christmas.”

Outside a church: “The Original Christmas Club.”

At a department store: “Big pre-Christmas sale.
Come in and mangle with the crowd.”

A Texas jewelry store: “Diamond tiaras — $70,000.
Three for $200,000.

A reducing salon: “24 Shaping Days until Christmas.”

In a stationery store: “For the man who has everything…
a calendar to remind him when payments are due.”

#joke #christmas
Joke | Source: Joke of the day - Jokes of the day on Wordpress
  • Currently 4.28/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (25)

You Might Be A Redneck If 20


You might be a redneck if...

Your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire...on her house

The ASPCA raids your kitchen.

You have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.

You can't get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it.

You celebrate Groundhog Day because you believe in it.

Your kid takes a siphon hose to show-and-tell.

You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.

You fish in your above-ground pool. . . and catch something.

Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.

Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.





#joke #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 15 August 2008
  • Currently 4.20/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (5)

Seen in ...

Seen in real CVs:

"The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers."

"While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility."

"Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job."

"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

"Interests: Donating blood. 14 gallons so far."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 28 July 2008
  • Currently 6.57/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (14)

Bill Gates cannot hire houseke...

Bill Gates cannot hire housekeepers, although he has interviewed hundreds.

Everyone he interviews says they don't do windows.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 15 July 2008
  • Currently 4.40/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (5)

All Categories

Q: How many Manchester City fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None - they're quite happy living in the shadows.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 26 June 2008
  • Currently 4.68/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (40)

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