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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Saturday, Nov the 28th 2009
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Kidnapping |
| A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. So she went to a playground, grabbed a kid, and took him behind a tree.
"I've kidnapped you!", said the blonde and then proceeded to write a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put \$10,000 in a paper bag and place it under the pecan tree next to the playground. Signed, A Blonde."
The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show his parents.The next morning the blonde checked under the tree and surely enough, a paper bad was sitting there. The Blonde opened the bag and found the \$10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?" |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 7.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Knock Knock Collection 102 |
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Jester!
Jester who?
Jester minute I'm trying to find my keys!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Jethro!
Jethro who?
Jethro the boat and stop talking so much!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Jewell!
Jewell who?
Jewell know if you open the door!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Jewell!
Jewell who?
Jewell remember me once you open the door!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Jilly!
Jilly who!
Jilly out here, so let me in!
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 4.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
| A FARMER and his wife decided to hold a talent show for their animals in which each contestant would recite a passage from Shakespeare. The prize would be a big marquee with a glitter ball inside. The pig performed a piece from Hamlet; the cow chose Richard III and the sheep picked MacBeth. After much deliberation the farmer and his wife picked the best entry, announcing: "Cow is the winner of our disco tent."
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 2.5/10 (8 votes cast) |
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Wake up! |
Linda was with her mother while her older sister was being examined by a dentist. Linda kept herself busy playing with toys in the waiting room until she noticed that her mom was resting, her eyes closed.
With about six other patients waiting, Linda marched up to her mother, looked her straight in the face and shook her shoulder.
"Mommy," she yelled, "wake up! This is not church!" |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes.
Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very excited, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur. |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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Waking Up for Church
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One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, "I'm not going."
"Why not?" she asked."I'll give you two good reasons," he said. "One, they don't like me, and two, I don't like them."
His mother replied, "I'll give YOU two good reasons why you SHOULD go to church. One, you're 54 years old, and two, you're the pastor!" |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 7.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA When
the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of -ese are you?"
The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you
mean."
The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?"
Again, the Japanese was confused over he question.
The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you
.... Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc......??? "
The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese."
A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked What kind Of
'key' was he.
The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of -kee'am
I?!"
The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"
LESSON III: "NEVER INSULT ANYONE"
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Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 8.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
An inebriated man and his drunken friend were sitting at a bar.
“Do you know what time it is?” Asked the drunk.
“Sure,” said the man
“Thanks,” said the drunk.
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Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 8.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
Bob, a middle-aged Canadian tourist on his first visit to Orlando, Florida, finds the red-light district and enters a large brothel. The madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain him.
They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away! Seeing this, the madam sends over a more experienced lady to entertain the gentleman. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear, and she too screams: "No!" and walks quickly away.
The madam is surprised that this ordinary looking man has asked for something so outrageous that her two girls will have nothing to do with him. She decides that only her most experienced lady, Lola, will do. Lola has never said no, and it's not likely anything would surprise her. So the madam sends her over to Bob. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams: "NO WAY, BUDDY!" and smacks him as hard as she can and leaves.
The madam is by now absolutely intrigued, having seen nothing like this in all her years of operating a brothel. She hasn't done the bedroom work herself for a long time, but she's sure she has said yes to everything a man could possibly ask for. She just has to find out what this man wants that has made her girls so angry. Besides she sees a chance to teach her employees a lesson. So she goes over to Bob and says that she's the best in the house and is available. She sits and talks with him. They frolic, giggle, drink, and then she sits in his lap.
Bob leans forwards and whispers in her ear: "Can I pay in Canadian currency?"
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Permalink | Source : Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
Rating: 7.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
| The pirate with a parrot had a real chirp on his shoulder. |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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War Veterans |
Fred mistakenly gets on a bus full of war veterans, but upon discovering it is going his way, decides to stay on for the ride.
He sits down next to a guy that jerks his arm to the left every few seconds, accidentally hitting Fred over and over. This really starts to get on Fred's nerves, so he asks "What the heck is wrong with you?"
The reply is, "I got this in the war."
Fred finds this pretty annoying so he switches seats.
The next guy he sits by has uncontrollable spastic twitches in his right leg, causing him to kick the seat in front of him, and even kicks Fred a few times. So Fred asks him, "What the heck is wrong with you?"
Again the answer is, "I got this in the war."
Fred moves again.
The next guy poor Fred sits by begins erratically flailing his left hand. Fred says, "Let me guess, you got that in the war."
The reply was, "No, I got it out of my nose. I can't get it off of my hand." |
Permalink | Source : Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
A little boy wanted \$100.00 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting the \$100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. the President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a \$5.00 bill. President Clinton thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the \$5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to GOD, which read: Dear GOD, Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those jerks deducted \$95.00. |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 7.8/10 (8 votes cast) |
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Guess who knows the state capitals? #blonde #jokes |
A dumb blonde was bragging about her knowledge of the state capitals of the United States. She proudly announced, "Go ahead, ask me any of the capitals, I know all of them."
A red head said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wyoming?"
The blonde replied, "Oh, that's easy, 'W'."
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Permalink | Source : Daily Jokes - A Clean Joke Everyday!
Rating: 8.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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