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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Saturday, May the 29th 2010
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NOTE:
Last couple of days issue was noticed with funny video and funny image representation
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check funny videos and funny photos you have missed due to issue, using << Previous 'jokes of the day' link.
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Parents Had A Real Swinging Pad… |
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Funny photo of the day Permalink | Source : There I fixed it - photos of ur handiwork!
Rating: 1.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Dan Cummins: Pizza Sale |
| I saw a grown man once riding one of those weird standup scooters down the side of the road -- you have to tilt to make it move forward, I think its called a Segway or a Douchebag Way -- wearing a toga and holding a sign for a pizza sale. My first thought was, Congrats, youve hit rock bottom. But my second thought was, If you took away just the sign, then that guy would rule. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 2.3/10 (4 votes cast) |
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magic mirror |
| there was a blonde, a brunete,and a red head. they all walked into a bar for a drink.the bar tender said,''i have a magical mirror any thing you think you are.you tell the mirror and if its true you will become it even more of what you wished for.but if not the mirror will suck you up.'' so the brunet goes in and said ''i think im the prettyest girl in the world.''with that the mirror said ''you are.'' so she became prettyer than everyone in the world.then the red head went in and said ''i think im the richest girl in the world.'' the mirror said'' you look very rich you now are the richest girl in the world.''the blonde went in and said ''i think''and with that the mirror gobbeld her up.the two girls left said ''why did the mirror swollow her up?''the man said'' because she said that she thought and thats a lie.'' |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 2.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Knock Knock Collection 139 |
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Oliver!
Oliver who?
Oliver troubles are over!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Olivia!
Olivia who?
Olivia but I lost the key!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Olivier!
Olivier who?
Olivier but I've lost my key!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ollie!
Ollie who?
Ollie time you say that, I wish you would cut it out!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Oman!
Oman who?
Oman, you are cute!
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 2.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
A bloke went to his mate's fancy dress party with nothing but a naked girl on his back.
"So what the hell are you supposed to be?" the host asked.
"I'm a snail." The bloke replied.
"What a load of rubbish!" the host spat. "How can you be a snail when all you've got is that naked girl on your back?"
"That's not a naked girl, mate," the bloke replied, "that's Michelle".
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 6.0/10 (10 votes cast) |
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Couples |
An elderly couple who had just celebrated their fiftieth anniversary were sitting on their porch, relaxing. Both were simply reading a book and rocking on their chairs. When suddenly, the wife looks at her husband and whacks him across the head, she goes back to her book.
Her husband, puzzled, asks, "What was that for?"
She replied, "That was for 50 years of bad sex."
They both go back to their books, and a few minutes later, the husband looks at his wife and whacks her across the head, he goes back to reading his book.
The wife, also puzzled asks him, "What was that for?"
Not looking up from his book the husband answers, "That is for knowing the difference." |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 5.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!
There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations.
She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word.
She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.
I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside.
With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."
"The moral of this story is:"
"Always keep your condoms in your car." |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 5.3/10 (4 votes cast) |
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after
eating,the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went
out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend
it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name
of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the
kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we
went to last night?' |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 6.7/10 (7 votes cast) |
Tim asked Bob “What happened to your uncle’s boat?”
“Ever notice that big rock at the entrance to the Golden Gate?” said Bob.
“Yes, I have” replied Tim.
“Well, he didn’t” said Bob.
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Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 5.0/10 (4 votes cast) |
| A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning, thewife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment andsaid, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here?" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, someyoung woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear." |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 5.7/10 (32 votes cast) |
| For unemployed physicists, the Large Hadron Collider is a make-quark project. |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 4.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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