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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Sunday, Jul the 25th 2010
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Steve Byrne: Half-Korean, Half-Irish |
| Its weird when youre a mix. People just want to play detective with your face. Nine times out of 10, theyre polite: Where are you from? Im like, Pittsburgh. Theyre like, Pittsburgh, right. Seriously though, where are you from? Pittsburgh. Like Im from some mutant island south of the Philippines, the island of Half Asia. Its just me, Keanu Reeves and Tiger Woods on a beach all day playing volleyball. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive. - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 6.2/10 (9 votes cast) |
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New Gorilla in Bar |
| A black man enters a bar with his gorilla. He says to the bartender, "I would like a beer, and a gin and tonic for my girlfriend here."
The bartender looks at him like he's nuts and says, " I sorry but I don't serve Gorillas in this bar."
The man has an idea. He takes his girlfriend home and shaves her head, gives her a wig, dress, and makeup. Then he returns to the same bar. He places the same order and this time the bar tender gives it to them.
They go and sit in a corner while the bartender turns to his friend and says, "Damn! Did you ever notice how all the good looking Iraqi ladies that come in here, always seem to be with black men. |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 6.3/10 (8 votes cast) |
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A true tech support story... |
| Tech Support: 'What does the screen say now.'
Person: 'It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'.'
Tech Support: 'Well?'
Person: 'How do I know when it's ready?' |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 2.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go and couldn't return to Earth.
The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. 'A million dollars,' he answered, 'because I want to donate it to M.I.T.'
The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for \$2 million. 'I want to give a million to my family,' he explained, 'and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.'
The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewers ear, 'Three million dollars.'
'Why so much more than the others?' asked the interviewer.
The lawyer replied, 'If you give me \$3 million, Ill give you \$1 million, Ill keep \$1 million, and well send the engineer to Mars.' |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 6.3/10 (4 votes cast) |
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Zen Sarcasm, Part 2
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1. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
2. Some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield.
3. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
4. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put back in your pocket.
5. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
6. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
7. There are two theories to arguing with a women - Neither one works.
8. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
9. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
10. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member Andrzej Jan Lamkiewicz |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 4.2/10 (5 votes cast) |
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The Salary Theory |
Dilbert's "Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers and scientists can never earn as much as business executives and sales people."
This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:
As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time
Since:
Knowledge = Power
Time = Money
Knowledge = Work/Money.
Solving for Money, we get:
Money = Work / Knowledge.
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.
Conclusion:
The less you know, the more you make.
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Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 6.7/10 (7 votes cast) |
One Day the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game.
Smiling the Lord proclaimed, "You don't have a chance, I've got Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and all the greatest players up here."
"Yes", laughed the devil, "but I have all the umpires!" |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 7.0/10 (7 votes cast) |
A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.... Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"
"Have a nice weekend," said the officer. |
Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 7.7/10 (10 votes cast) |
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.
The first said: "I built a big house for our mother."
The second said: "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."
The third said: "You remember how our mother enjoys reading the Bible. Now she can't see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, their mother sent out her letters of thanks. "William," she said, "the house you built is so huge. I live only in one room, but I have to clean the whole house.
"Arnold," she said, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home so I rarely use the Mercedes. And that driver is so rude! He's a pain!"
"But David," she said, "the chicken was delicious!"
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Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games - jokes of the day partner site
Rating: 5.7/10 (23 votes cast) |
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