Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 27 May 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 27 May 2020
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“What happens to a ba

“What happens to a baseball pitcher when he loses a big game? He goes into the throes of depression.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
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Not Talking To Me

Me to the postman: This empty envelope must be from my sister Charlotte.
Postman: Now why would she send you an empty envelope?
Me: We had an argument, and she's not talking to me..

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

Thoughts To Ponder

Thoughts To Ponder
1. How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
2. Why do you have to "put your two cents in", but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
3. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
4. What disease did cured ham actually have?
5. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
6. Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
7. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
8. Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
9. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
10. Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

 Lightbulb Joke Collection 27


Q: How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
Note: I thought this was something to do with the maths/logic theories of Kurt Goedel, about it being impossible to prove things, and finally a more complete explanation arrived in my mailbox : - A Goedel Number is one of several ways to encode a Turing Machine, the classical abstraction of a computer, or for that matter of any algorithm. The idea (as best I see it) is that if the machine knows its own Goedel Number it can simulate itself... It does come from the mathematician Goedel - partly because he used TMs in his famous theorem, I believe.)
Q: How many spies does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Why bother?
Q: How many KGB agents does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two: One to screw it in and the other to check it for microphones.
Q: How many Trimarians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Leave it out, it was only attracting mosquitos anyway.
Q: How many Caidans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Nobody knows. They can't figure out what to wear to change one.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 01 September 2019
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Typical male

A couple was relating their vacation experiences to a friend. "It sounds as if you had a great time in Texas," the friend observed. "But didn't you tell me you were planning to visit Colorado?"

"Well," the husband said, "we changed our plans because, uh..."

His wife cut in, "Oh, tell the truth, Fred!" He feel silent, and she continued,

"You know, it's just ridiculous. Fred simply will NOT ask for directions."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 09 June 2017
  • Currently 7.59/10

Rating: 7.6/10 (17)

At school, Little Johnny was t...

At school, Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makesit very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."
Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother. He says, "I know thewhole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." Thefather promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets himby saying, "I know the whole truth."
The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your daddy a great big hug!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 26 August 2015
  • Currently 7.71/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (14)

Find number abc

If c8850 + 9488b = bca7ab find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

After I gave my childhood torm

After I gave my childhood tormentor a wedgie I was accused of acting unfashion a bully.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 08 May 2015
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Amy Schumer: Worst Part About Drinking

You know what the worst part about my drinking is? When Im drunk I slur. You know, like I say racial slurs. Wow, nobody likes that at a barbeque.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 27 May 2011
  • Currently 3.73/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (44)

The phrase "dead ringer" refer...

The phrase "dead ringer" refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 27 May 2011
  • Currently 4.17/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (36)

Tennis lesson

A lady goes in to take a tennis lesson, and the instructor notices she is using the wrong grip. After several failed attempts to correct her, he finally says "OK, just grip it like you do your husband's member".

After that, she immediately rips a couple of top spin winners down the line. The instructor says, "Wow that's great. Now just try taking the racket out of your mouth."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 27 May 2011
  • Currently 5.41/10

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Hillary goes to heaven

Hillary Clinton died and, Lord knows why, went to heaven. St. Peter approached her and says "Hillary, I know you're 'somebody' down on Earth, but up here, you're just another person. And, I'm swamped right now, so have a seat and I'll get back with you as soon as I can."

So Hillary sits down and begins looking at her surroundings. She notices a huge wall that extends as far as the eye can see. And on that wall there are millions and millions of clocks. She can't help notice that on occasion some of the clocks jump ahead fifteen minutes.

When St. Peter returns she asks "What's the deal with the clocks?"

St. Peter replies "There is a clock on the wall for every married man on Earth."

Hillary asks, "Well what does it mean when the clock jumps ahead 15 minutes?"

St. Peter replies, "That means that the man that belongs to that clock has just committed adultery."

Hillary asks, "Well, is my husband's clock on the wall?"

St. Peter replies, "Of course not. God has it in his office and is using it for an electric fan."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 27 May 2012
  • Currently 5.28/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (32)

Jordan Rubin: German Porno

I got a German porno movie the other day. It has subtitles, which is great cause, otherwise, I would have had no idea what was going on.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 27 May 2012
  • Currently 5.04/10

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