The best jokes (17806 to 17820)

A man and woman doing staff in

A man and woman doing staff in bed after midnight. At one point they hear a car noise and a strong brake.
Woman: "Take your staff and run on the window. I think that's my husband."
The man panics, jumps out of bad, takes his clothes from all over the place, and jumps on the window.
After a while the same guy with his clothes knocks at the door: "Hey wife, I think we are a little bit stressed."

“Two pet owners got t

“Two pet owners got together for a weekly public discussion on the Internet. They called it their Pawed Cast.”

 Hair

Your hair is so nappy ever time you comb it somebody get shot at.

A man went to a bank and gave

A man went to a bank and gave them $60 000 worth of bonds to hold for him and he asked to take out a loan of $1.
The next year he came back to the bank to get his bonds and the accountant asked him, "If you have all that money in bonds, why did you need to borrow $1."
The man replied, "Do you know any other way I can use a safety deposit box for only 7 cents a year?"

“Did you hear about t

“Did you hear about the exiled barrel? He was casked out!”

A food fight is roll...

“A food fight is roll playing.”

 Knock Knock Collection 008

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Alice!
Alice who?
I'm Alice chasing rainbows....!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Alison!
Alison who?
Alison it's dark outside!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Allan!
Allan who!
Allan-d of Manhattan!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Allegra!
Allegra who?
Allegra is broken!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Alli!
Alli who?
Alligator, that's who!

My cousin Henry love...

“My cousin Henry loves automotive history. He never gets tired of studying it. He gets Benz out of shape if you say his hobby is a waste of time. It occupies his every spare moment.”

“We can all praise To

“We can all praise Tom Hiddleston for his Loki performance.”

 Give Him An Orange

One day in Contract Law class, Professor Jepson asked one of his better students, "Now if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?"
The student replied, "Here's an orange."
The professor was livid. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!" The student then recited, "Okay, I'd tell him, 'I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, calim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding..."

 Answering Machine Message 211

As the drugs take hold, you feel you are losing your grip on reality. You begin to hallucinate. You see a telephone... The telephone is next to an answering machine... You hear a faint click and a light flashes on the answering machine... You hear a beep...

“Long after a barrage

“Long after a barrage of eggs is ova, smashed pumpkins remain gourd offal.”

Which member of the royal fami

Which member of the royal family collects photos of fat women?

“Great batsmen in cri

“Great batsmen in cricket score centuries by their will-ow power?”

“I was really enjoyin

“I was really enjoying stargazing when it started to cloud over, much to my constellation.”